So Kathryn’s in the kitchen right now cookin’ me some breffis. She knows a woman’s place.
Really and truly, I haven’t seen this little lady in over a year, and the perfect situation arose (or should I say, aroused) for us to hang out. And so we did. With Valerie. And her widdle boobs. Watching late night Oxygen. Trashy “romance” stories (AKA, really bad softcore pr0n). ‘Twas a night to remember.
GOOOOAAALLLLL! (more…)
So I must admit, when I come to mondaybear.com and click on Site Admin, I get quite a rush. A power rush. Like the kind of power rush I get when I tell small children to go into the kitchen and make me a sammidge.
So I had the craziest dream about Monday Bear. Most of you know how difficult it is for me to differentiate between dreams and reality. Here’s an old story from way back:
Jade and I had been planning to go to NYC, and we planned on seeing Spamalot while we were there. Welp, I had a dream that my mom bought us tickets to see it. I woke up, not realizing that it was just a dream, so I went to school telling everyone that I had the best mum in the world, because she had bought us tickets to see Spamalot. (It should have been a dead givaway that she didn’t really buy them for us when I remembered that they were just $4 each.) When I came home, I gave my mom a big ass hug (not a big “ass hug”, but a big ass hug), and she asked me why I was being so nice. Welp, when I told her, she informed me that she didn’t do such a thing, and that it must have been a dream. Alas.
So Matthew came over and suprised me. It was quite the adventure. He stayed for a few days, but left the day that my mom was coming home. What a coincidence. Anwyho, he’s still the best in the world.
You know how men are with their cars. You also know that I’m not dating a “man,” per se. (He’s better.) Matt was talking about some car, the Tesla, about how awesome it is, yeah yeah yeah, it’s pretty, it’s electric, it saves the environment, Liz hugs trees, yeah yeah yeah. Since Matthew isn’t really the car kind of guy, I figured this must be one hell of a car since he’s going on about it. I decided to do my own research:
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So I promise, with you all as my witnesses, that no matter how fat I get, I will always wear pants that are my size, even if I have to wear a size 48. And that’s big. I will never, ever, ever have muffin top. I swear to you.
Now, you don’t have to be fat to have muffin top. I’ve seen plenty of girls smaller than me with it. You just have to wear pants that actually fit you. I know it sucks to have to walk out of a store carrying the biggest size avaliable, but hear you me, you’re carrying those pants in a bag. Nobody else at the mall knows what size you wear except you and the checkout chick.
So the results are in… MondayBear.com is the third most popular site on the interweb, right after pr0n.com and DrPhil.com.
I’m telling you though, I’d get so many more hits if it was NakedLiz.com instead of Monday Bear… but who can resist that cute little fuzzy bear face?
So I’ve been really stressed out for the past week. I wish I would go ahead and start my period, just so I could stop this PMS mess.
Way to start out on a gross note, Liz.
While I’m at it, Matthew and Justin raised this question:
Does a Monday Bear shit in the woods? (more…)
So I babysat Micah today while Tiffany was out having dinner with my mom. Check this out– it’s a Chinese place, but it serves sushi! Whoa mama.
Anywho, I watched Micah. We had some crackers and milk (yum), and she began to ask about Trixie the dachshund.
Micah: I like doggies. Let her inside.
Liz: *lets her inside*
Trixie: *tries to steal Micah’s crackers*
Micah: I don’t like dogs.
Liz: I thought you said you did.
Micah: I do.
So here I go, here I go, here I go, I said girls, what’s my weakness?
That’s the part where my mom usually says “Men!” and I say, “Okay, then. Chillin’, chillin’, mindin’ my bidness…”
etc, etc, etc.
Yes, my mom.
Let’s talk about myspace and facebook. This is somewhat an extention of yesterday’s blog. Let’s talk about girls’ photos on myspace and facebook. (more…)
So if you haven’t heard, one of the most horrible things of all horrible things has happened in the past month. We heard forecasts of this event months ago, but we loyal fans have ignored these warnings and stayed positive, as we usually do. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about Weezer.
And don’t worry, people, the mood of this blog will be less forlorn in a few paragraphs. (more…)
So I’m nekkid in someone else’s house at the moment.� Matt’s house.� Well, Matt’s mom’s house.� It would be different if it were just Matt’s house, but no, I’m naked in the home of his mom, his stepdad, Colleen, and him.
Well, I’m actually wearing underpants, because I was looking at this website about this nudist colony that I was thinking about visiting, and I was reading the rules, and one said that towels had to be used at all times when sitting.
How embarrassing.
I think at certain times, we should ignore the fact that we leak fluids.� At certain times, we should ignore the fact that we have genitalia.� But most of the time, we should embrace our genitalia.� Not nessecarily by showing it to strangers on the street, talking to our grandparents about it, or, say, piercing it, but just being comfortable with the fact that girls have jineys and boys have peni.
So as Matthew was driving me up here the other day, I realized that I don’t have to say everything that I think.
But I do have to blog it.
That said, Holly Holly Holly . I have a really good impression of her now.
I love how she tells Steve what he likes.
Matt tells me what I like. Matt = Holly, Steve = Liz. That’s why we all married each other the other night.
Right after Holly and I made out.
Just kidding, Holly’s hot dad.
We really did drugs, and lots of them. (more…)