Monday Bear

So I keep just barely missing 11: 11. This has happened twice in the past 13 hours.

That said, someone told me recently, “Liz, you just aren’t as funny as you used to be now that you’re in love.”
Excuse me, sir, but really, was I -ever- funny? Cute, maybe.

“Liz, you just aren’t as cute as you used to be now that you’re in love.”
That would make more sense if I was the type to doll (or gussy, if you will) myself up. When most women fall in love, they stop wearing makeup, never fix their hair, dress frumpily, and gain 72 pounds. Their reasoning behind this is that they have already “caught” a man… they don’t have to look good anymore. “Now I’ve got you where I want you, now I’m going to be a big ugly lardass.” (more…)

So I have no views so far today. I hate you assholes.

And just to clear a few things up: The last blog, the Matt cheating on me with Holly one, it was fake. Matt thought it would be funny to see who would try to “move in.” Not in a crazy possessive boyfriend way, but more like a “hahaha, she’s mine you cant have her” kind of way.

Here are some bad/ unfortunate things that happened: (more…)

So Matthew came over this weekend for my graduation and everything was going just fab until I left him for rehersal alone at my house. I came home earlier than I told him to surprize him, when I found him with another girl in MY bed. I ran out of the room crying.
The week started off fine. He took me on a nice little picnic in the park and we found the cutest baby bird! We played in the playgound watching these little black girls play and talked about how we want kids later. Oh! I saw the biggest fing lizard ever! Matt tried to catch him, but he ran up a tree.
Then we went to Jackson to have sushi, and it was fun, but I noticed that Matthew wasn’t being his normal self. I asked him about it and he said it was nothing… but it was something.

..

So inconclusion, I found Holly with Matthew. She was “on it” when I walked in the room.

So just to get this out of the way, Matt and I are going to have a poop- off to see who poops faster. (make a wish) I know that I’m the faster pooper in this relationship, but he doesn’t believe me. I timed him today, and it took him 3 minutes to poop. Psht. That’s pathetic. I’m usually a minute and a half or less.

I guess I’m just a good relaxer. Probably because I’m a modern dancer. Not Fat.

So the main thing is my Alley Jo is getting married. Alley Jo and I have been friends for years and years. I met her the first time at church camp in 5th grade. I thought she was really cool and had a pretty voice, but she didn’t know I existed. The only other thing I remember is she flirted with all the boys and she cut holes in the knees of her Tommy Hilfiger jeans. How destructive. (more…)

Like And Then There’s Maude! You know… the show. With Dorothy from The Golden Girls. She was my least favourite girl.

I guess I just like shows and bands with ! in them. But speaking of bands with ! in them, check this out.

No offense, ballet girls:

We were listening to Panic! At the Disco before ballet, and they knew the songs…? Yeah. They had been getting old to me for about 3 weeks now, so I just stopped listening to the CD… but then I realized that I just don’t like them anymore. I mean, I’m just tired of the music. And, lets face it, (watch me as I make fun of myself) I just don’t like bands when they’re not “cool” anymore.

“Hey Liz, have you heard of that new band ______?”
“New? Psht. Yeah, like a year ago…”

I’m such a pretentious bitch. That must be the punk in me. (more…)

So remember last March when I had to go to the ER because my mom found me passed out in the bathroom in a huge puddle of the products of my own various bodily functions? Welp, that happened again. And here I sit. Blogging. For you assholes.

Welp, this happened late Wednesday night, except my mom came in before I passed out. I think that this time was worse, but mom says that’s just because I can remember most of this time. I remember:
a. Being temporarily blind
b. Wanting to slit my wrists
c. Various fluids coming uncontrollably from a couple of my orifaces.

Oh, and I passed out in the bathtub. (more…)

So do I really look like a rabid bunny when I laugh?

So. Bunnies are cute. and fluffy. much like myself. and those Matt dogs.

I would like to thank Melanie Holis for making me not look like Cinderella Barbie. For dress rehearsal, my skirt was some kind of purpley blue lame’ irridescent BULLSHIT. I looked like a 4 year old playing dress up. I’m serious, I had Barbie clothes made out of that same material. But Melanie so graciously stayed up into the wee hours of the morning and made me a whole new costume. Ah, Melanie. (more…)