Archive for the ‘Television’ Category
Friday, August 25th, 2006
So after discovering that I’m a bird, lion, bunny, and a Canadian, I’ve decided to grow a fur coat. Actually, I just haven’t shaved my legs in two weeks. I’ll do it tomorrow. Maybe.
Speaking of fur coat, mom and I went shopping for things for my dorm room last night. We had about 5 different rugs on the floor of Target, stepping on them barefoot to see how each of them felt. There was this one that was really really furry, like a bear rug.
Liz: I don’t like this one. It feels creepy.
Mom: Yeah, it’s like walking on Matt’s back.
: ( Now that’s hitting below the belt. So I smacked her with my bag. (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Dreams, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 10 Comments »
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
So I’m babysitting right now. Four of them. My usual three, plus a 5 year old smartass. I finally got them to lie down. I put on Harry Potter and put two of them in time out. It’s been a really rough day for all of us, obviously.
I hate it when people say “needless to say”. If it’s needless to say, then why say it?
People always said “needless to say” in those Most Embarrassing Moments things in Seventeen Magazine. Remember?
I also hate it when people say “I could care less.” It really should be “I couldn’t care less.” Because if you could care less, then you actually do care a little bit.
Really, I just wish that people would think about what their expressions mean before speaking them. (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Babies, Dating, Family, Food, Language, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 5 Comments »
Monday, July 31st, 2006
So Kathryn’s in the kitchen right now cookin’ me some breffis. She knows a woman’s place.
Really and truly, I haven’t seen this little lady in over a year, and the perfect situation arose (or should I say, aroused) for us to hang out. And so we did. With Valerie. And her widdle boobs. Watching late night Oxygen. Trashy “romance” stories (AKA, really bad softcore pr0n). ‘Twas a night to remember.
GOOOOAAALLLLL! (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Breasts, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
So Matthew came over and suprised me. It was quite the adventure. He stayed for a few days, but left the day that my mom was coming home. What a coincidence. Anwyho, he’s still the best in the world.
You know how men are with their cars. You also know that I’m not dating a “man,” per se. (He’s better.) Matt was talking about some car, the Tesla, about how awesome it is, yeah yeah yeah, it’s pretty, it’s electric, it saves the environment, Liz hugs trees, yeah yeah yeah. Since Matthew isn’t really the car kind of guy, I figured this must be one hell of a car since he’s going on about it. I decided to do my own research:
(more…)
Posted in Breasts, Dance, Food, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 4 Comments »
Thursday, July 13th, 2006
So if you haven’t heard, one of the most horrible things of all horrible things has happened in the past month. We heard forecasts of this event months ago, but we loyal fans have ignored these warnings and stayed positive, as we usually do. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about Weezer.
And don’t worry, people, the mood of this blog will be less forlorn in a few paragraphs. (more…)
Posted in Breasts, Dance, Dating, Music, Pooping, School, Secks, Television | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
So as Matthew was driving me up here the other day, I realized that I don’t have to say everything that I think.
But I do have to blog it.
That said, Holly Holly Holly . I have a really good impression of her now.
I love how she tells Steve what he likes.
Matt tells me what I like. Matt = Holly, Steve = Liz. That’s why we all married each other the other night.
Right after Holly and I made out.
Just kidding, Holly’s hot dad.
We really did drugs, and lots of them. (more…)
Posted in Breasts, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television, Travel | 5 Comments »
Friday, June 16th, 2006
So just as soon as I write the blog “There’s nothing I hate worse than stupid myspace layouts”, Tom goes and gays up the whole front myspace page. Seriously, there’s nothing gayer than that. Nothing against superman, but geez, guys, a busy background never did anything but hide someone’s hips. And let’s face it– I don’t see any big hips around here!
*looks down*
So today, Emily called herself a “big woman”. I thought one had to be a big fat black woman to be called “big”.
Big is beautiful…
…
(more…)
Posted in Breasts, Dance, Music, Nasty, Secks, Television | 5 Comments »
Sunday, June 11th, 2006
So according to my brother, there’s nothing to do at 2AM except get into trouble.� He’s pretty much right, unless someone’s having a party or something.� And much of the time when someone’s having a party, the partiers are getting into trouble.� But it’s fun trouble, not going to Huddle House singing Fuck Her Gently with Alley Jo.
Acually, there is alot I hate worse than stupid myspace layouts.� Like Nazis, soured milk, mean girls, and how I get boogers sometimes during sex. � (more…)
Posted in Family, Food, Music, Nasty, Television | 5 Comments »
Monday, June 5th, 2006
So did you know that Good ‘n Plenty is an aphrodisiac for women? That’s probably why it’s called Good ‘n Plenty. If ya catch my drift.
Too bad I don’t like licorice. Or should I say, lickorice.
Now if cheesecake were an aphrodisiac, then you’d be speaking my kind of language. Using my kind of currency. Walking my doggie.
I made that last one up. Sounds good though, eh? (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Babies, Dreams, Food, Television | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
So I keep just barely missing 11: 11. This has happened twice in the past 13 hours.
That said, someone told me recently, “Liz, you just aren’t as funny as you used to be now that you’re in love.”
Excuse me, sir, but really, was I -ever- funny? Cute, maybe.
“Liz, you just aren’t as cute as you used to be now that you’re in love.”
That would make more sense if I was the type to doll (or gussy, if you will) myself up. When most women fall in love, they stop wearing makeup, never fix their hair, dress frumpily, and gain 72 pounds. Their reasoning behind this is that they have already “caught” a man… they don’t have to look good anymore. “Now I’ve got you where I want you, now I’m going to be a big ugly lardass.” (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Breasts, Dance, Dating, Family, Game, Music, Nasty, Old People, Philosophy, Secks, Television | 4 Comments »