Monday Bear

 So the other day, Al Gore, Jim Wales, and John Seigenthaler came to my school to talk about the First Amendment and the Internet.  John talked about Wikipedia, Jim talked about Wikipedia, and then there was a 45 minute lunch break before Al Gore talked.  Not wanting to lose my seat, I sat and waited.  Thirty minutes later, I realized I had to pee, so I left the auditorium to go to the bathroom.  When I come out, there’s Al Gore standing in the hallway, and he said to me:

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So I cannot “access” (steal) interweb from my apartment using my computer, so I have to take it to school, so I can “access” their WiFi. First off, I want to leave the house, but here’s what I find to put on my feet:

• 1 black flip flop
• 1 pink flip flop
• 1 brown flip flop
• 2 very stinky, tacky, yellow flip flops left over from my freshman year of high school.

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So I just googled mondaybear, and this is what I found:

One of those stupid myspace glitter graphics comments things.

But at least now people can spread the good word, right?

Is it sacrelig that I called mondaybear.com “the good word?”

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So I had this other dream.  This one was about Lia.  She was in my dorm next to the elevators, and her ass was HUGE.  Really, really huge.  Like, unnatractive huge.  And she was wearing one of those long denim skirts like the pentecostal chicks wear.  But I snuck up behind her and grabbed it anyway.

I grabbed it real good. (more…)

So I had to read this really horrible book for English called Things Fall Apart. It’s a classic, apparently. I prefer to call it Shit Happens In Africa, because that’s really what it’s all about. Just like the Hokey Pokey.

Also, I had a Chemistry test on Monday. I thought it was going to be on Thursday, but it turns out that I don’t even have Chemistry on Thursdays.

Whoops.

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So I’m warning you: This is a pretty raunchy blog, and if you’re under the age of 16, or are related to me, or are a med school admissions person, I prefer you not read this particular entry. I will find out if you do. Especially you, little Brenda. I’ll tell your mom about your myspace page…

As a sidenote, I’m wearing a bracelet that is next to impossible to type in.  So I take it off.  Now I can type.

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So really, I can’t take the credit for that. It was all Mark Hall. He also came up with this one:

Biggie Smallz would have lived if he had more Security. Get it? Like if he had more people around him, he might not have gotten shot?

Remember when Matt used to be MTSU Boy?

I asked him what he used to call me before we dated, but I forgot he doesn’t tell people things. (more…)

So many of you may be thinking, “What the hells is Liz doing blowing blogging twice in one week? She hasn’t done that since high school!”

You’re right.

I dropped out of college to go back to high school. Mainly because college didn’t give me enough blogtime.

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So we all assume things to make us feel better, whether you like to admit it or not.
Example: You go to a public rest room, sit on the potty, stand up, and find a pubic hair on the seat. Of course, you assume it was yours, seeing as you didn’t see it before you sat down, and your keen eye would have noticed it, right?

Welp, this happened to me about a week ago. (And yes, you’re right, I haven’t blogged in over a week. Colleen seems to be the only complainer, though.) I went to the potty [and most of you know that I live in a dorm, so my only potty is a public (or should I say, pubic) one.]. When I stood up, I noticed a pubic hair on the toilet seat. No big deal, right? Just assume it’s yours, right? Wrong. I would assume it was mine, but egads, everyone knows Liz’s pubic hair is traffic cone orange. And not an inch and a half long. I trim that junk.
I shuttered, but then made an assumption of my own to make myself feel better: (more…)