A recent telephone conversation betwixt Alley and myself.
Archive for the ‘Philosophy’ Category
In memory of Maude
Thursday, June 18th, 2009____ is the new ____.
Wednesday, March 12th, 2008So, tonight, I’m a cash loan payday tiladvance cash loan loan paydaycash advance no fax required,advance cash fax no,savings account cash advance no faxcash advance new yorkcash until payday loanfast cash payday loan,payday us fast cash loanadvance cash faxless loan,no fax faxless cash advance payday loan,faxless cash advanceace cash advancecash advance loancash advance servicelawsuit cash advance,advance cash lawsuit loan,advance cash lawsuit pre settlementcash advance business for sale,business cash advance,advance business cash unsecuredbonus casinosbonus casino 770le jeux casinojeu gratuites casinocomment gagner à la roulette en lignejeu video poker gratuitescasino gratuites ,jeux du casino gratuites ,jeux gratuites casino machinefree crapsblack jack gratisjeux baccarat gratuitescasino de parisle baccaratjeu de video poker gratuiteslocation jeux casinole casino en lignejeux casino pokerles casino en lignenew casino bonuscasino classicjeux keno en ligne gratuites2006 casino gameswww groupe casinotélécharger jeux casinosvideo poker gratuitscasino jeux toulousecasino poker en lignecasino achat en lignecasinos gratuitscasino games gratuites ,casino games,flash games casinovideo poker machinescoupon bonus casino770casino on net comjeux casino vip,jeux de casino gratuits,jeux casinocasino bonus no depositbonus casino tropezcasino jeux d argentjeux des casinojeu casino paris bit tipsy. To celebrate my A and P test that was today, Matthew and I drank fancy lambic Belgian beer out of champagne glasses. Fancy.
Tons o’ Fun
Saturday, June 23rd, 2007Gee Willikers, It Feels Good To Be A Gangster
Friday, December 29th, 2006So I was going to blog yesterday, but I was distracted. I was all set. I had a Diet Coke and a bag of popcorn, and I was in the mood for bloggin’. Then the phone rings. Of course, it’s for my mom, who is at her friend’s house. That’s okay though, because I’m still in blog mode. So I head to the computer… “Wait, where’s my coke?… I must have set it down to look at the caller I.D….Crap.” I had no idea where it was. I searched around the house for (I crap you not) at least 30 minutes looking for my coke.
I looked on every table.
I looked in the fridge.
I looked in the microwave.
I looked by the computer.
Finally, I check in the garbage can, and sure enough, there it is. Of course I didn’t take it out and drink the rest. What do you think I am, gross or something?
So I was ultra bummed about my loss of beverage and failed to blog.
(more…)
Merde
Saturday, December 16th, 2006So I decided to blog more and less. By this, I mean I’ll blog more often, and make my blogs shorter. Is that Okay? I mean, do you kids like the classic longass weekly blogs, or would you prefer a shorter twice a week/ thrice a week/ fice a week blog? Let’s make a game out of it. You can vote (comment) for which style you like, and I’ll blog however the winning team chooses.
At least for a little while. But inevitably, it is my blog, afterall.
Here are the teams you can choose to be on ? :
Team Casserole: You guys want a shorter, more frequent blog.
Team Mamelons: You guys want the classic long, weeklyish blog.
“VOTE OR DIE, BITCH”
- Puff Daddy P.Diddy
After you read the rest of this blog: (more…)
Let me show you my Pokeymans
Thursday, November 16th, 2006So I had this dream a long time ago, probably the day after I last blogged. I’ve had many a lesbonic dream in my day, but this one wasn’t even sexual. This woman asked me to marry her. She wasn’t an ugly dyke or anything, but just very lesbonic. Kind of like me a year ago. Except I didn’t like girls. And I still don’t.
But at any rate, this chick proposed to me, and of course I said no, because:
I’m dumb, she’s a thespian.
Friday, July 21st, 2006So I promise, with you all as my witnesses, that no matter how fat I get, I will always wear pants that are my size, even if I have to wear a size 48. And that’s big. I will never, ever, ever have muffin top. I swear to you.
Now, you don’t have to be fat to have muffin top. I’ve seen plenty of girls smaller than me with it. You just have to wear pants that actually fit you. I know it sucks to have to walk out of a store carrying the biggest size avaliable, but hear you me, you’re carrying those pants in a bag. Nobody else at the mall knows what size you wear except you and the checkout chick.
(more…)
F ‘n B.
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006So I babysat Micah today while Tiffany was out having dinner with my mom. Check this out– it’s a Chinese place, but it serves sushi! Whoa mama.
Anywho, I watched Micah. We had some crackers and milk (yum), and she began to ask about Trixie the dachshund.
Micah: I like doggies. Let her inside.
Liz: *lets her inside*
Trixie: *tries to steal Micah’s crackers*
Micah: I don’t like dogs.
Liz: I thought you said you did.
Micah: I do.
Guaranteed to piss you off. Or make you laugh, if you’re not an ass.
Friday, July 14th, 2006So here I go, here I go, here I go, I said girls, what’s my weakness?
That’s the part where my mom usually says “Men!” and I say, “Okay, then. Chillin’, chillin’, mindin’ my bidness…”
etc, etc, etc.
Yes, my mom.
Let’s talk about myspace and facebook. This is somewhat an extention of yesterday’s blog. Let’s talk about girls’ photos on myspace and facebook. (more…)
All the vag, all the time.
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006So we know I don’t ever like to bitch, but I have a serious problem with girls who work at Sonic. (No offense, Holly or Matt’s cute friend Naomi.) They are conniving, tricky bitches. Let me explain. This has all happened to us at at least one point in our lives:
You and a friend order some drinks and onion rings on a sweltering summer afternoon. A girl in khaki shorts and a dumb visor carrying a tray walk close to you, but no luck.
Another one. You examine the contents of the tray: 2 drinks and a box in a bag. She walks past you.
Another one: 2 drinks and a box in a bag. She walks toward your car. She then looks at the receipt only to realize that she was walking the wrong way.
Another one: 2 drinks and a box in a bag. You look at her and her tray with wild fried onion- craving eyes. She looks back at you. Your eyes meet. It’s like you’re spiritually making love to this angel in the ponytail who is bringing you your nourishment. Instant chemistry. She keeps walking and gives your order to the middle aged guy in the red Camaro.
What a bitch. She knew what she was doing the whole time. She just wanted to toy with you.
Another one: 1 really big ass drink and 3 boxes in 3 bags. She comes to your car. It’s the wrong order, but you don’t fucking care. You’ll never talk to another teenage girl wearing roller skates as long as you live. (more…)