So the other day, I was in McCallie, and I remembered that I hadn’t pooped in over 24 hours. Then I thought about blogging, because I blog about pooping. Then I thought about what I needed to blog. Then I thought about how just about every time I start a new blog, I have to stop to poop. Then I had to poop. It was a miracle.
Archive for the ‘Nasty’ Category
Hair for Squares
Thursday, March 15th, 2007Now, I’d buy -that- for a dollar.
Tuesday, January 9th, 2007So as a woman, out on her own, not living with her mother, I have learned one thing and one thing alone: tampons are damn expensive.
So I’ve decided not to menstruate ever again, or at least until I become President of the northern hemisphere and make tampons free for everyone.
Everyone except boys.
Must Be Italian.
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006So I just realized that I could never have a pager. You know why? Because I never call people back. If you’ve ever called me, I’ve probably not called you back. Don’t take it personally; I just tend not to call people back, just like some people tend to bite their nails or poop themselves. It’s just a bad habit.
My mom used to have a beeper when she was a social worker. I was seven. I thought that was just too cool, so I saved up my money and got a plastic beeper filled with bubblegum. (more…)
Meatbar
Wednesday, December 13th, 2006So many of you may be thinking, “What the hells is Liz doing blowing blogging twice in one week? She hasn’t done that since high school!”
You’re right.
I dropped out of college to go back to high school. Mainly because college didn’t give me enough blogtime.
Let me show you my Pokeymans
Thursday, November 16th, 2006So I had this dream a long time ago, probably the day after I last blogged. I’ve had many a lesbonic dream in my day, but this one wasn’t even sexual. This woman asked me to marry her. She wasn’t an ugly dyke or anything, but just very lesbonic. Kind of like me a year ago. Except I didn’t like girls. And I still don’t.
But at any rate, this chick proposed to me, and of course I said no, because:
Karen O’s Areola. I saw it.
Thursday, October 19th, 2006So many of you know my love of the Muppets, especially Kermie.� Nothing can keep me away from my Kermie.� Welp, I’ve got these Muppets panties– they came in a pack of 5.� When I’m sitting around in my undies, I do this thing where I stick my hand down the leg of my undawears� until my whole hand and some of my arm is sticking out of the leg (yeah, it’s weird, but the ones who do this know what I’m talking about).
Welp, I was doing this the other day in my Muppets panties, and my roommate came in.� As we conversed, I began talking with my hands, therefore ripping the hell out of my panties.� I was highly saddened, but I can still wear them.� They’ll just be period panties now.
Wow, that last blog sucked
Tuesday, October 10th, 2006So I’ve concluded that the last blog sucked and I will never ever EVER do that again. I just wanted to see what would happen if I blogged a semi- serious blog, and you know what happens? I get one comment. One measley comment. From Zephyr.
Did anyone notice that I started my blog with a similar phrase to that with which I usually end my blog?
Did anyone notice that that was worded totally weird for the sake of not ending a sentence with a preposition? (more…)
I Want To Be The Fust Baby In Space…
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006So we all assume things to make us feel better, whether you like to admit it or not.
Example: You go to a public rest room, sit on the potty, stand up, and find a pubic hair on the seat. Of course, you assume it was yours, seeing as you didn’t see it before you sat down, and your keen eye would have noticed it, right?
Welp, this happened to me about a week ago. (And yes, you’re right, I haven’t blogged in over a week. Colleen seems to be the only complainer, though.) I went to the potty [and most of you know that I live in a dorm, so my only potty is a public (or should I say, pubic) one.]. When I stood up, I noticed a pubic hair on the toilet seat. No big deal, right? Just assume it’s yours, right? Wrong. I would assume it was mine, but egads, everyone knows Liz’s pubic hair is traffic cone orange. And not an inch and a half long. I trim that junk.
I shuttered, but then made an assumption of my own to make myself feel better: (more…)
I got a postcard! … from WingZone…
Thursday, September 7th, 2006So of course Steve Irwin died. Whoda thunk. The guy who plays with dangerous animals was killed by a dangerous aminal.
That was going to be funny. I made a note to blog that right when it happened, but that was last weekend, and it’s now Thursday night. You will be pleased to know that Mattchew is giving me his old computer soon. That means more blogtime. That’s good news for the few people who didn’t join Holly’s Monday Bear Protesters group on Facebook. Sonsabitches.
Things I like about school: (more…)
Remote Control Liz
Friday, September 1st, 2006So I realize it’s been a while, but damn you, I’m a college woman now, and I’ve got shit to dos.
See, you can tell I’m in college, because I used “damn” and “shit” in the same sentence.� And I just fucking did it again.
Oops, I did it again.
So of course, I’m sure you’re all dying to know how my pooping schedule is since I’ve moved to a dorm.� Welp, as opposed to the usual 3 a day, I’m down to two.� That has something to do with: (more…)