Monday Bear

So although I feel as if I’ve been farting silk organza for the past six months planning this wedding (not complaining), I’ve really gotten down to it lately.  I’m talking about calling/emailing vendors, and anyone who knows me personally knows how much I hate communication.  After all, my -1 year anniversary is coming up (August 7), along with my birthday (August 5).  To celebrate, I’ve made a Lizt of things I’d like for you to get me: (more…)

or Hey, Are You Going to Wizzie Man?

or Hey.  Give Me Some Fucking Weed.

or Hey.  Give Me Some Fucking Crepes.

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 So the other day, Al Gore, Jim Wales, and John Seigenthaler came to my school to talk about the First Amendment and the Internet.  John talked about Wikipedia, Jim talked about Wikipedia, and then there was a 45 minute lunch break before Al Gore talked.  Not wanting to lose my seat, I sat and waited.  Thirty minutes later, I realized I had to pee, so I left the auditorium to go to the bathroom.  When I come out, there’s Al Gore standing in the hallway, and he said to me:

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So my cats have the fleas. Well, now it’s -had- the fleas. We took them to the vet ($174) to find out that Kitty has a heart murmur. But on the bright side, they have the cleanest ears this side of the Mississippi.

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So there’s been this watermelon in a bag in my fridge for about three weeks now. Matt brought it home, and he hasn’t touched it yet. I probably won’t eat it, because I don’t eat squishy fruits (tomatoes, over-ripe bananas, over-ripe anything). He probably won’t eat it, because he forgets about leftovers easily.

Gabe probably won’t eat it, because, well, he’s Columbian, and I don’t think they have watermelon in Columbia.

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So I cannot “access” (steal) interweb from my apartment using my computer, so I have to take it to school, so I can “access” their WiFi. First off, I want to leave the house, but here’s what I find to put on my feet:

• 1 black flip flop
• 1 pink flip flop
• 1 brown flip flop
• 2 very stinky, tacky, yellow flip flops left over from my freshman year of high school.

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So you know they don’t sell Vegemite in the United States. This might explain why we have an obesity problem (see below). Anyhow, this stuff is pretty gross. I had some in the 2nd grade, and I remember it quite well. So I’ve got this idea: Vagemite.

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So last night, I had this funny dream where I was watching a concert at this wave pool, and there were many stoners. I needn’t worry about my safety though, because Gary Coleman and Emanuel Lewis were my body guards, following me around with guns and whatnot.

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So this morning, Matt farted on the cat. He said go over there and sniff the cat, and see if it stinks. (more…)

So the other day, I was in McCallie, and I remembered that I hadn’t pooped in over 24 hours. Then I thought about blogging, because I blog about pooping. Then I thought about what I needed to blog. Then I thought about how just about every time I start a new blog, I have to stop to poop. Then I had to poop. It was a miracle.

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