So Alley Jo learned, and ultimately overused, a new phrase: Bag of dicks. For about two weeks, everything was a bag of dicks. (more…)
Archive for the ‘Language’ Category
But if you’re here… then that means… Oh boy…
Friday, May 23rd, 2008I sure hope Joel remembers my name.
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 So the other day, Al Gore, Jim Wales, and John Seigenthaler came to my school to talk about the First Amendment and the Internet. John talked about Wikipedia, Jim talked about Wikipedia, and then there was a 45 minute lunch break before Al Gore talked. Not wanting to lose my seat, I sat and waited. Thirty minutes later, I realized I had to pee, so I left the auditorium to go to the bathroom. When I come out, there’s Al Gore standing in the hallway, and he said to me:
I don’t even know these people.
Sunday, February 24th, 2008So I’ve got this idea: They should have ride-on vacuum cleaners. Like the lawn mowers, you know. I wonder why they don’t. It would make cleaning much more exciting, making my house much more clean.
You’re not welcome here, Dig Them.
Friday, July 20th, 2007So for those who don’t know, I moved. Relocated, if you will. Instead of ye olde Nashville, I now live in the crotch of middle Tennessee, Murfreesboro. I just a.) didn’t want to live in a dorm again, and b.) didn’t want to commute from Nashville every day like Matt has done for the past 3 years. So Matthew, Gabe, and I have joined forces and are renting an apartment, Three’s Company style. Except I’m doing one of them (more…)
Tons o’ Fun
Saturday, June 23rd, 2007Wiki Wiki Wild Wild Wiz
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007So I had this other dream. This one was about Lia. She was in my dorm next to the elevators, and her ass was HUGE. Really, really huge. Like, unnatractive huge. And she was wearing one of those long denim skirts like the pentecostal chicks wear. But I snuck up behind her and grabbed it anyway.
I grabbed it real good. (more…)
Yes, Lia, our thighs are -supposed- to touch.
Friday, February 9th, 2007So I just woke up from this dream where there were several kitties asleep in a box. They were all about 5 inches long, and I was the same size, sleeping with them.
So when the Chili Peppers came to Nashville, I got to go. I also got to go backstage.
Man, anytime I’m going to blog, I’ve got to poop.
“How you gonna make somethin’, and then it’s gonna burn?”
- Mary
Wow, that last blog sucked
Tuesday, October 10th, 2006So I’ve concluded that the last blog sucked and I will never ever EVER do that again. I just wanted to see what would happen if I blogged a semi- serious blog, and you know what happens? I get one comment. One measley comment. From Zephyr.
Did anyone notice that I started my blog with a similar phrase to that with which I usually end my blog?
Did anyone notice that that was worded totally weird for the sake of not ending a sentence with a preposition? (more…)
Look at this big ass fo’head my baby got!
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006So I’m babysitting right now. Four of them. My usual three, plus a 5 year old smartass. I finally got them to lie down. I put on Harry Potter and put two of them in time out. It’s been a really rough day for all of us, obviously.
I hate it when people say “needless to say”. If it’s needless to say, then why say it?
People always said “needless to say” in those Most Embarrassing Moments things in Seventeen Magazine. Remember?
I also hate it when people say “I could care less.” It really should be “I couldn’t care less.” Because if you could care less, then you actually do care a little bit.
Really, I just wish that people would think about what their expressions mean before speaking them. (more…)
All the vag, all the time.
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006So we know I don’t ever like to bitch, but I have a serious problem with girls who work at Sonic. (No offense, Holly or Matt’s cute friend Naomi.) They are conniving, tricky bitches. Let me explain. This has all happened to us at at least one point in our lives:
You and a friend order some drinks and onion rings on a sweltering summer afternoon. A girl in khaki shorts and a dumb visor carrying a tray walk close to you, but no luck.
Another one. You examine the contents of the tray: 2 drinks and a box in a bag. She walks past you.
Another one: 2 drinks and a box in a bag. She walks toward your car. She then looks at the receipt only to realize that she was walking the wrong way.
Another one: 2 drinks and a box in a bag. You look at her and her tray with wild fried onion- craving eyes. She looks back at you. Your eyes meet. It’s like you’re spiritually making love to this angel in the ponytail who is bringing you your nourishment. Instant chemistry. She keeps walking and gives your order to the middle aged guy in the red Camaro.
What a bitch. She knew what she was doing the whole time. She just wanted to toy with you.
Another one: 1 really big ass drink and 3 boxes in 3 bags. She comes to your car. It’s the wrong order, but you don’t fucking care. You’ll never talk to another teenage girl wearing roller skates as long as you live. (more…)