Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
Sunday, August 20th, 2006
So I understand that most people don’t really like pooping at work. On the contrary, when I had a job, I loved pooping at work, because, seriously, where else can you get paid to poop?
But I think it helped that -I- was the one who bought the TP most of the time, and I never bought that John Wayne toilet paper that’s rough, tough, and won’t take shit from anyone.
I forgot to write a few weeks ago when I got a postcard from my SOA (or should I say, SOB) from CUSTOMS/ Freshman Orientation. In wretched handwriting and red marker ink, it reads:
(more…)
Posted in Dating, Family, Nasty, Pooping, Travel | 7 Comments »
Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
So I was just down to my skivvies, shimmying my way to cardio health, when my mom’s friend comes in. Just as I was beginning to really enjoy my new Cardio Fitness Bellydancing DVD, I’m interrupted by an unwelcome guest. And what does she say? “Put some clothes on, girl!” Right. I’ll put some clothes on if you wash the dishes. Then she has the huevos to make fun of my choice of fitness. Hey, fatso, at least I exercise. Competitive hotdog eating doesn’t count as a sport, by the way.
So if any of you haven’t realized, when I disappear for a week at a time, I’m usually with Matt. It’s that damn love and cuddling and sex and blackhead- picking that keeps me away from my blogging. And I thank all of you who sents me birfday wishes/ presents. I’ll get back to you soon. ish. And you’ll all be bloglisted. Soon. Not tonight. But soon. (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Dance, Dating, Family, Food, Nasty, Secks | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
So I’m babysitting right now. Four of them. My usual three, plus a 5 year old smartass. I finally got them to lie down. I put on Harry Potter and put two of them in time out. It’s been a really rough day for all of us, obviously.
I hate it when people say “needless to say”. If it’s needless to say, then why say it?
People always said “needless to say” in those Most Embarrassing Moments things in Seventeen Magazine. Remember?
I also hate it when people say “I could care less.” It really should be “I couldn’t care less.” Because if you could care less, then you actually do care a little bit.
Really, I just wish that people would think about what their expressions mean before speaking them. (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Babies, Dating, Family, Food, Language, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 5 Comments »
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
So I just got back from my grandparents’ house in Mississippi. Whenever we went out in public, to everyone we came across, my grandmother would say, “This is my granddaughter. She come to visit us from Tennessee.”
“Great. We have more trees,” said the guy from the grocery store, who according to Gramma, couldn’t take his eyes off of me.
That made their… year, probably. Nobody ever comes to see them, which is precisely why I drove the 180 miles to go there. I got a big ego boost while I was there. Grandparents are always proud of their grandchildren. Especially when they live in Saltillo, MS. I’m going to college, haven’t been knocked up, I’m not on drugs, and I’m not fat.
That’s why Gramma kept saying that guys were looking at me. I doubt they were. I’m not attractive when I’m in Mississippi. Nobody is. The grocery store dude could have been looking at me for several reasons: (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Family, Nasty, Pooping, Secks | 14 Comments »
Friday, July 14th, 2006
So here I go, here I go, here I go, I said girls, what’s my weakness?
That’s the part where my mom usually says “Men!” and I say, “Okay, then. Chillin’, chillin’, mindin’ my bidness…”
etc, etc, etc.
Yes, my mom.
Let’s talk about myspace and facebook. This is somewhat an extention of yesterday’s blog. Let’s talk about girls’ photos on myspace and facebook. (more…)
Posted in Family, Nasty, Philosophy | 5 Comments »
Friday, July 7th, 2006
So I’m nekkid in someone else’s house at the moment.� Matt’s house.� Well, Matt’s mom’s house.� It would be different if it were just Matt’s house, but no, I’m naked in the home of his mom, his stepdad, Colleen, and him.
Well, I’m actually wearing underpants, because I was looking at this website about this nudist colony that I was thinking about visiting, and I was reading the rules, and one said that towels had to be used at all times when sitting.
How embarrassing.
I think at certain times, we should ignore the fact that we leak fluids.� At certain times, we should ignore the fact that we have genitalia.� But most of the time, we should embrace our genitalia.� Not nessecarily by showing it to strangers on the street, talking to our grandparents about it, or, say, piercing it, but just being comfortable with the fact that girls have jineys and boys have peni.
(more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Dating, Dreams, Family, Music, Nasty, Pooping | 8 Comments »
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
So is there or is there not such thing as creepy hot(t)? There’s creepy, there’s hot(t), and according to Liz, there is, indeed, such thing as creepy hot(t).
Here are some examples of creepy:
- They guy at the park with the long hair combover who mumbles “compliments” to you.
- Those 50 year old guys at metal shows.
- Blind dates with a lazy eye.
- Clowns.
- Not showering ever.
- Boys doing exceptionally nice things for you.
Here are some examples of hot(t):
- Kissing all rawr.
- Cool shoes.
- Matthew.
- Good sex.
- Nice fancy dates.
- Boys doing exceptionally nice things for you. (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Dating, Family, Nasty | 10 Comments »
Sunday, June 11th, 2006
So according to my brother, there’s nothing to do at 2AM except get into trouble.� He’s pretty much right, unless someone’s having a party or something.� And much of the time when someone’s having a party, the partiers are getting into trouble.� But it’s fun trouble, not going to Huddle House singing Fuck Her Gently with Alley Jo.
Acually, there is alot I hate worse than stupid myspace layouts.� Like Nazis, soured milk, mean girls, and how I get boogers sometimes during sex. � (more…)
Posted in Family, Food, Music, Nasty, Television | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
So this is number 72 of all of my posts here at mondaybear.com. Well, two of them are Holly and one of them is Matt, (Rock the Cock and “On it”) I was going to celebrate with a Flashback blog, much like on The Golden Girls when the writers couldn’t think of anything, but I could actually think of something. We’ll save Flashback Blog for post #111.
“I’d like to share some of my favourite memories with Trevor the Vampire.”
Or maybe the real 72. Depends on how little or how much pops into my head. Or why don’t you sit in my lap and I’ll tell you about the first thing that pops up.
Oh, snap.
So today, Emily kicked Ms. Sacchi in the breast.
(more…)
Posted in Breasts, Dance, Family, Food, Secks | No Comments »
Friday, June 2nd, 2006
So a few nights ago, I offered to help an anonymous friend clean her house. Let’s call her lady.
Lady: Will you really?
Liz: Sure, I don’t have anything better to do.
Lady: Oh, Liz, I’ll eat your pussy.
Liz: *laughs*
Lady: You can’t blog that!
Just for the record, she didn’t. Sadly.
So I had this crazy dream last night. It was one of those ridiculous/ scary dreams: (more…)
Posted in Dance, Dreams, Family, Food, Nasty, Secks, Travel | No Comments »