Archive for the ‘Breasts’ Category
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
So I have this friend… Let’s call her Hairy. Hairy just did it (and I don’t mean poop) for the first time a bit over a month ago. Welp, the other day, she just called me to tell me that something went horribly awry. You know what I’m talking about. She told me to guess, so this is what I guessed:
- You’re pregnant. No.
- Paul broke up with you. No.
- You made an A in ______. No.
- You made an F in _______. No.
Liz: I give up.
Hairy: Come on Liz. It’s something you’ve done before.
Liz: Oh Hairy, you dirty girl! I can’t believe you! Oh you slut! (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Babies, Breasts, Family, Game, Music | 1 Comment »
Friday, December 8th, 2006
So one of my friends, who just happened to be a lady of colour, told me why alot of black girls don’t like me. It’s because black guys like me. Black guys like me because:
a.) I have red hair, and
b.) I’m shaped like a skinny black girl.
She says they don’t like me because we’re stealing their men and whatnot. That’s kind of a gay reason not to like someone, but I suppose it’s kind of like how it kind of bothers me when Matt says things about other girls, unless the other girl is my friend.
Kind of.
(more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Breasts, Dating, Dreams, Food, Pooping | 3 Comments »
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
So many of you know my love of the Muppets, especially Kermie.� Nothing can keep me away from my Kermie.� Welp, I’ve got these Muppets panties– they came in a pack of 5.� When I’m sitting around in my undies, I do this thing where I stick my hand down the leg of my undawears� until my whole hand and some of my arm is sticking out of the leg (yeah, it’s weird, but the ones who do this know what I’m talking about).
Welp, I was doing this the other day in my Muppets panties, and my roommate came in.� As we conversed, I began talking with my hands, therefore ripping the hell out of my panties.� I was highly saddened, but I can still wear them.� They’ll just be period panties now.
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Posted in Breasts, Nasty, Pooping | 13 Comments »
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
So we all assume things to make us feel better, whether you like to admit it or not.
Example: You go to a public rest room, sit on the potty, stand up, and find a pubic hair on the seat. Of course, you assume it was yours, seeing as you didn’t see it before you sat down, and your keen eye would have noticed it, right?
Welp, this happened to me about a week ago. (And yes, you’re right, I haven’t blogged in over a week. Colleen seems to be the only complainer, though.) I went to the potty [and most of you know that I live in a dorm, so my only potty is a public (or should I say, pubic) one.]. When I stood up, I noticed a pubic hair on the toilet seat. No big deal, right? Just assume it’s yours, right? Wrong. I would assume it was mine, but egads, everyone knows Liz’s pubic hair is traffic cone orange. And not an inch and a half long. I trim that junk.
I shuttered, but then made an assumption of my own to make myself feel better: (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Babies, Breasts, Music, Nasty, Pooping, School, Secks | 8 Comments »
Monday, July 31st, 2006
So Kathryn’s in the kitchen right now cookin’ me some breffis. She knows a woman’s place.
Really and truly, I haven’t seen this little lady in over a year, and the perfect situation arose (or should I say, aroused) for us to hang out. And so we did. With Valerie. And her widdle boobs. Watching late night Oxygen. Trashy “romance” stories (AKA, really bad softcore pr0n). ‘Twas a night to remember.
GOOOOAAALLLLL! (more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Breasts, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 2 Comments »
Saturday, July 29th, 2006
So I must admit, when I come to mondaybear.com and click on Site Admin, I get quite a rush. A power rush. Like the kind of power rush I get when I tell small children to go into the kitchen and make me a sammidge.
So I had the craziest dream about Monday Bear. Most of you know how difficult it is for me to differentiate between dreams and reality. Here’s an old story from way back:
Jade and I had been planning to go to NYC, and we planned on seeing Spamalot while we were there. Welp, I had a dream that my mom bought us tickets to see it. I woke up, not realizing that it was just a dream, so I went to school telling everyone that I had the best mum in the world, because she had bought us tickets to see Spamalot. (It should have been a dead givaway that she didn’t really buy them for us when I remembered that they were just $4 each.) When I came home, I gave my mom a big ass hug (not a big “ass hug”, but a big ass hug), and she asked me why I was being so nice. Welp, when I told her, she informed me that she didn’t do such a thing, and that it must have been a dream. Alas.
(more…)
Posted in Awkward Scenarios, Babies, Breasts, Dreams, Nasty, Secks | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
So Matthew came over and suprised me. It was quite the adventure. He stayed for a few days, but left the day that my mom was coming home. What a coincidence. Anwyho, he’s still the best in the world.
You know how men are with their cars. You also know that I’m not dating a “man,” per se. (He’s better.) Matt was talking about some car, the Tesla, about how awesome it is, yeah yeah yeah, it’s pretty, it’s electric, it saves the environment, Liz hugs trees, yeah yeah yeah. Since Matthew isn’t really the car kind of guy, I figured this must be one hell of a car since he’s going on about it. I decided to do my own research:
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Posted in Breasts, Dance, Food, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television | 4 Comments »
Friday, July 21st, 2006
So I promise, with you all as my witnesses, that no matter how fat I get, I will always wear pants that are my size, even if I have to wear a size 48. And that’s big. I will never, ever, ever have muffin top. I swear to you.
Now, you don’t have to be fat to have muffin top. I’ve seen plenty of girls smaller than me with it. You just have to wear pants that actually fit you. I know it sucks to have to walk out of a store carrying the biggest size avaliable, but hear you me, you’re carrying those pants in a bag. Nobody else at the mall knows what size you wear except you and the checkout chick.
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Posted in Breasts, Dance, Dating, Dreams, Nasty, Philosophy, Pooping | No Comments »
Thursday, July 13th, 2006
So if you haven’t heard, one of the most horrible things of all horrible things has happened in the past month. We heard forecasts of this event months ago, but we loyal fans have ignored these warnings and stayed positive, as we usually do. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about Weezer.
And don’t worry, people, the mood of this blog will be less forlorn in a few paragraphs. (more…)
Posted in Breasts, Dance, Dating, Music, Pooping, School, Secks, Television | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
So as Matthew was driving me up here the other day, I realized that I don’t have to say everything that I think.
But I do have to blog it.
That said, Holly Holly Holly . I have a really good impression of her now.
I love how she tells Steve what he likes.
Matt tells me what I like. Matt = Holly, Steve = Liz. That’s why we all married each other the other night.
Right after Holly and I made out.
Just kidding, Holly’s hot dad.
We really did drugs, and lots of them. (more…)
Posted in Breasts, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Television, Travel | 5 Comments »