Monday Bear

So I’ve just come to this realization today: I have big hair. That’s right, Liz has big hair. Big Ass Hair. You see me coming down the street, and you say, “oh look. It’s Liz ‘Big Ass Hair’ Snodgrass.”
Before I had big hair, or realized that I had big hair, whichever you prefer, I oftentimes wondered why the big- haired took such pride in their big hair.
Well here’s why: Not everyone can pull off big hair. I’m Liz, and I’m proud of my hair. In fact, I sometimes think it looks best on its biggest days.

Oh, I used to try to hide the fat (or should I say, PHAT) ness of my hair with flat irons, straightening serums, and other tools of torture, but now I embrace it. My hair is big and red and crazy. Like the Kool- Aid Guy.That said, if I do ever get like Beth “Poofy Head” Burtin, I’m sure Emily will slap me around a few times. But I don’t think I’ll have to worry about being a preacher’s wife.
“That woman has an ego the size of her hair.”

I never said that, but I think it would have been really funny if I had said that sometime when I wasn’t already talking about her hair. Or big hair. Or hair in general.

My hair could get so big that it’s what people know me by. It could be my trademark. People can forget my gap, freckles, crooked toes, annoying laugh, chubby cheeks, pointy clavicles, or any of my other flaws. It’s Liz “Big Ass Hair” Snodgrass from now on.

“Oh look, here comes ole ‘Nasty Fleas’ Liz.”

Speaking of fleas, I catsat today. This was the tiniest animal I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Check it out:

Tiny cat + Drink Coke.

PS:� I was wearing that shirt the first time Matt came over here.� My heart went aflutter.

The only semi bad part was wiping the cat’s ass. It sat down in its piss in the litterbox, but I’ve wiped many an ass in my day. It’s no big deal.

If I were Tom, I’d put myself under Cool New People every day.

Make a wish, it’s 5:55.

So Alley and I went to Sonic today.� I got the new Caramel Chocolate Banana Split Jr.� It’s nothing special.� Anywho, this is what happened:

The best part is that was purely incidental.

Alley Jo thought they had a Jurrassic Banana Split, but the sign really said Jr. Classic Banana Split.� Quite the opposite, my dear.

So I found this green tube top that I bought when I was 12 for my trip to NYC.� You know how every girl goes through that age where she wants to be a slut?� Yeah.� I discovered that this tube top is indeed One Size Fits Most.� I was going to take pictures and post them so you assholes can laugh at the significant difference between the size of my twelve year old anorexic breasts and my seventeen (almosteighteen) year old prominent breasts, but I realzed that as the top stretches, it becomes less and less opaque.� See through top = boobies = no pitchers.

It does look pretty funny though.� I’m still wearing the top, in fact.

No, really.

So since I refuse to share my voluptuous bosum with the rest of the world, I’ll numb the pain by sharing the striking resemblance between Flower (Alley Jo’s kitty) and that guy from The Streets:

Nevermind.� I couldn’t find a good enough picture that I could copy.� This will be less funny, but whatev.� Go to bonnaroo.com and wait for the picture of the guy from The Streets.� I promise, he looks just like Flower.
So in conclusion, I firmly believe that Eddie Murphy should have just stuck to comedy, while Alley Jo believes that Eddie’s musical career wasn’t anywhere near long enough.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 15th, 2006 at 6:31 PM and is filed under Breasts, Food, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.