Monday Bear

So according to my brother, there’s nothing to do at 2AM except get into trouble.� He’s pretty much right, unless someone’s having a party or something.� And much of the time when someone’s having a party, the partiers are getting into trouble.� But it’s fun trouble, not going to Huddle House singing Fuck Her Gently with Alley Jo.

Acually, there is alot I hate worse than stupid myspace layouts.� Like Nazis, soured milk, mean girls, and how I get boogers sometimes during sex. � And then there are the obvious ones, like ketchup, Avril, and iTunes.

So the play opens Thursday at 7.� You all need to see it.� I promise it’s funny.� And I really don’t have to say again the other reasons.� The tickets are only $10, and I think it’s well worth it.� This may very well be my last performance with Masquerade Theatre.� Check it out.

I really like to dig up music that I haven’t listened to in over a year.� Most of the time it’s really bad, and I get a good laugh out of it.� However, sometimes I find some good… finds.� Like New End Original.� I haven’t listened to them in probably two years, and I have no idea.� I don’t care what nunna y’all bitchasses say… Number One Defender is a good song : )

I’m not really a very religious person, but I’d like for you all to pray for my friend Emmi and her family.� She’s in Noises Off with me, and she just found out this morning that her youngest brother died in a motorcycling accident.� She’s having a really hard time with it.� Of course we aren’t making her perform, although she wants to the first weekend.� If she can’t perform next weekend, Paula (the director) is taking her place.� She brought her other brother Andy over to our dress rehearsal, and they were both absolute wrecks.� I would really need all the support I could get if that happened to me.

That said, remember this was a dress rehearsal.
Liz:� It was nice to meet you, Anderson, and I’m sorry your first time meeting me I was in my underwear.
Andy:� That makes one of us.

So Matt is coming back here a week from Tuesday or Thursday, the week after Bonnaroo, yeah, that music festival I -won’t- be attending.� I’d like to take him out for sushi again, just not in Jackson, because it’s so far away.� I checked the yellow pages for places in Dyersburg and Paducah.� I found a “Japanese Steakhouse” in Paducah called Hananoki.� However, Matthew Callis Sushi Guru tells me that not all Japanese restaurants have sushi, but for some reason, I feel like an absolute fucktard calling a Japanese restaurant and asking if they have sushi.� It’s like calling Burger King and asking if they have sushi, except the opposite.
So I have a favour to ask of you.� If you have ever been there, please tell me whether they have sushi or not, or if you’re really brave, call them and ask them.� Here’s their number:� 270-441-0027 .� Thanks kids.

“My weiner?� Is it my weiner that Salt’N Pepa want me to push?”
- Michael Ian Black

Now throughout Michael Ian Black’s whole celebrity life, I’ve thought he was pretty hot.� It’s probably because he’s a goofy nerd, and well, I like goofy nerds.� My mom says I’m retarded for thinking he’s hot.

And just for the record, Michael Ian Black is no Matthew Drew Callis.
And just for the other record, the fact that you’re a regular on Queer As Folk does not mean you’re gay.
And just for the other other record, Tennessee is no Nebraska.

“I can rollerblade down stairs, I can rollerblade down handrails, I can rollerblade on yo’ momma’s ass.”
- MIB.� And not Men In Black.

There was never a funny quote in Men In Black.� I or II.

Alley Jo and I watched a funny movie the other night called The Sweetest Thing.� The name and the first 15 minutes of the movie make it seem like a lame chick flick, but it really isn’t.� I enjoyed it.� The only bad part is that Cameron Diaz is the main character.� Bleck.� I just find her untalented and annoying.

Speaking of, My Life Without Me isn’t avaliable anywhere in Union City.� It’s such a good film.� Mark Ruffalo is in it.� He reminds me of a slightly chubby Matthew.

So while we’re talking about Matthew, I got to see him for about 5 seconds yesterday when I picked my mom up from the airport.� WE have a kitten.� He doesn’t have a name yet.� I think I want to name him kitten, because that’s what we call him anyway.� Except I usually say it like “kidden.”� Because it’s cuter that way.

“Hurry up and take the picture!� This is hurtin’ my cooter!”
-� Emily Will

I was going to post the picture, but I couldn’t find it.� I probably deleted it because one could tell that it was hurtin’ her cooter.

My mom got me cool stuff in San Diego.� She got me these fancy jammies with cowgirls and indians on them.� The best part is they came with both shorts and cropped pants.� Not crotch pants.� She also got me authentic golfing socks.� They were only a dollar each.� I mean for each pair.

“Who’d you have to fuck to get that number?”

So last night i found out that “peeing in stereo” is when guys’ pee splits in half.� Like George Bush’s.� It could be caused by several things, such as dried semen or a hair blocking the urethra.� Yum.

So how many times has -your- pee split in half, George Bush, when you’re taking that morning piss?

Aunt Reenie bought me a fancy bracelet at Elisa Ilana in Omaha.� It’s one of a kind.� Just like me.

Speaking of Omaha, Dan had his first show yesterday.� Go Dan Go.

So in conclusion, A is definitely for Applebee’s, and my brother graduated from drug court.� Hoorah.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 11th, 2006 at 9:18 PM and is filed under Family, Food, Music, Nasty, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.