And Then There’s Blog! Get it?!
Like And Then There’s Maude! You know… the show. With Dorothy from The Golden Girls. She was my least favourite girl.
I guess I just like shows and bands with ! in them. But speaking of bands with ! in them, check this out.
No offense, ballet girls:
We were listening to Panic! At the Disco before ballet, and they knew the songs…? Yeah. They had been getting old to me for about 3 weeks now, so I just stopped listening to the CD… but then I realized that I just don’t like them anymore. I mean, I’m just tired of the music. And, lets face it, (watch me as I make fun of myself) I just don’t like bands when they’re not “cool” anymore.
“Hey Liz, have you heard of that new band ______?”
“New? Psht. Yeah, like a year ago…”
I’m such a pretentious bitch. That must be the punk in me.
“This just in! Watch us break it down.”
This just in! The Colour Purple received 9 Tony nominations. w00t.
Lauren Chivers is hopefully one of my new blog readers. We went to Elementary School together. Now she goes to UC. I saw her again when I worked at Jillian’s. I really like her.
When someone joins my Blog Fanclub, they get a blog spot. That’s better than being blogmentioned. You’re famous now, Lauren. Now you have to do something really cool to be blogmentioned again.
She has a weiner, too. I think she has two.
Speaking of fanclubs, Matt made me aware that my “official” fanclub isn’t official, because I didn’t whatever it. Welp, I think I’d have to be pretty conceited to whatever my own fanclub, but all of you 14- year- old boys who are members/ president of my fanclub, you may suggest for me to make it official, and if you suggest, I will whatever it. You can even have a website.
Matt will make it.
Just not a creepy fansite like that one guy made about me a few months ago. That was really creepy.
I hope those dudes weren’t embarrassed that I know about their fanclub… If there is a Liz fanclub. How’s that?
Some really stupid people have fanclubs. Like Cher.
The rain
On my windshield
Looks like
A Renoir.
Are you a character from a romantic poem?
*snaps*
That was for Steve and Holly. And Sherwood, wherever he may be. He was a creepy black man. He saw Steve and Holly at Wal*Mart like a month after the poetry reading, and he said, “Where’s Liz?”
Like I’m -always- with Steve and Holly. Psht.
They kicked me out the other night so they could have sex. Only because they know I completely understand : )
Steve said something that I was going to blog, but I forgot what it was. But he did say in his head:
“Man, if I’ve got to watch gay cowboys having sex, at least they should be hot cowboys!”
They had me over for Italian night/ Gay Cowboy night/ Video Editing night.
“Cowgirl’s awaitin’. Where you be?”
- April Ring. Chyah.
With Ashley’s porn legs.
I’ve been having crazy Matt- filled dreams lately. I don’t feel like going into full description, but in one, I met his other grandparents, who made me get stuff out of their pool, sleep in a room full of 9 year old girls in sleeping bags, and go to their non- catholic mass the next morning.
In the one last night, his mom asked me to cat- sit, and I guess everyone found out I was babysitting, so they all brought their kids over. I was watching about 20 kids + 1 midget + 10ish cats. Then Ms. Sacchi left the house dressed up like a stork.
In another one, Matt got his wisdom teeth taken out, and I had to take care of him. I was treating him like a child. Then when his grandparents were visiting, he tried to fondle my breasts in front of God and everybody! I said, “No, Matthew, we don’t do that in front of other people!”
So about 3 years ago, I went on this mission trip to PA working on this old building turned battered women’s shelter. Among the others were Katie Robbins, Lindsay Parish, Sydney ___, Lindsay Busby, and Katie Sharp.e. There was this construction guy whose name just happens to be Matt, and they all thought he was super hot. I didn’t think so. His hair was lacking, and he had a funny nose. Noses and hair– For me, they can make you or break you. My Matt just happens to have superior hair -and- nose. Anywho, we all brought our guitars on this trip for at home down time (we only worked from way early in the morning to 3 or 4 ish. Eight hours I think it was. So we wrote a song about this Matt guy. Of course, it goes to Greenday’s Good Riddance, in a Billy Joe Armstrong- esque voice. What else:
There is this guy named Matt, and he is really hot.
He works in construction; I bet he doesn’t smoke pot.
He has a big butt, and he shakes it all around.
And if I had a chance I get him on the ground.
If I could get a lay from him,
It would be nice.
I would have the time of my life.
So we were going to write more verses, but something came up. That trip had lots of teenage- girl- slumber- party- esque memories:
*Wayne’s world flashback thang*
Like that time that Robert stole my panties and ran around the house (yes, even outside) wearing them. I ran after him.
OH MY GOSH. I’m wearing those panties right now. I’m ever so serious. I’ve got to tell Katie.
Then when I was going to get back at him by taking Phil’s panties (ice burn) and doing the ole freezer trick. Venturing into their bedroom and stealing them was a treacherous task. Sidney wanted to see Katie Robbins run, so she pulled the ole “ABORT MISSION” trick. I’ve never seen that girl run that fast unless there was food involved. Anywho, I got the panties (which had photographs of monkeys on them, by the way), and I put water on them, and I put them in the freezer. That night at dinner, we were all trying to get Phil to find them. We were saying, “Hey Phil. Will you get me some ice?” “No, the other freezer.” Welp, he eventually found them, and he had no expression on his face. He didn’t care. At all. That was the most anticlimactic prank I’ve ever pulled.
The most climactic: Saran wrap. I’m saving that one, so I won’t tell you about it. Dave knows about it.
So I really need to read that thing that I wouldn’t read in his blog. Even though I -am- a busy woman and everything, with my finals and all.
Back to PA:
I introduced them all to the Wal*Mart panties and adult diapers game. That was fun. I felt like a hero.
But above all, who could forget the LAAAAAAAAAAABIA DOME!
(y’all ready for this?) Oh, Lindsay.
“Those flaps, what are they called?”
- Lindsay
“Flabia?”
- Katie
…
“I know one. It’s the clitoris.”
- Yes, Zephyr. That one was from none other than your Billy. He did tell a really good story though.
So Jade kissed me on the cheek in the hall today, and I did the *schwing* in front of Cody Bobbit and Cory Weatherbee.
Some guy: Do you have any Irish in you?
Liz: Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Some guy: …oh…
I ruined somebody’s hopes in dreams. And I meant the “quite a bit” bit in -that way- as well. Schwing.
“Do you have any cute artistic indie type dude in you?”
“Yes, quite a bit, actually.”
That last part didn’t really happen. But it will. Oh, it will.
So in conclusion, if your girlfriend breaks up with you and you’re sad, deal with it. Don’t act like a 14 year old goth kid on myspace. You had it coming, you cheating bastard. Thank you.