Monday Bear

So I’ve owned this car since 2005.  I paid $2,000 for it, and have washed it once in our relationship (the relationship betwixt my car and myself).  This happened on August 27, 2009.  When I cleaned out the inside, I made a lizt of things that I found.  I call it A Lizt of Things I Found in My Car When I Cleaned it Out on 8-27-09.

A Lizt of Things I Found in My Car When I Cleaned it Out on 8-27-09

• 1 pair of sunglasses that desperately needs its screws tightened before any human can wear them.
• Various receipts.
• A “you got married way to go pretend to like it” card.  It had no money in it and was therefore broken.
• Half-eaten mall pretzel.
• Lots of leftover stationery from recent wedding.
• Empty hand sanitizer bottle.
• Knob for hand crank window.
• Cords that don’t really seem to go with anything.
• Three ice scrapers.
• Three soda cans.
• Cassette tape.
• Gross used bandaid, covered in what is presumably and hopefully blood serum from my body.
• Parking receipt from my date with Holly at the Panqueque Pantry.  I had Raspberry Delight, as I always do.
• A zillion coupons from Nana.
• Fast food nakkins.
• Proof of insurance card which expired 1/10/07 from a company I don’t even use anymore.
• Hair.
• Pieces of something.
• Various fans and tissues left over from recent outdoor wedding.
• Three CD’s.  There is no CD player in my car.
• Stovetop smoker (not a bong) from Holly (wedding present) in a Spongebob bag (birthday present).  Moe claimed the bag, but Kitty is fighting him for it.
• Golden birdcage.  I hope it’s real gold.  Do you think Gold Buyers USA Go America will buy it?
• A fuse for something.
• A tiny lightbulb for blinkers or something.
• A mint green bra to match my beautiful eyes.
• Leaking bag of rotten produce.  People always give you produce from their garden, even when you assure them that it will not be eaten.
• Huge old book of records.  Not like, world records.  I mean musical records.
• 32 bobby pins.
• Answering machine cassette tape from someone named Maria.  I think she’s dead.
• An Afro pick?
• Broken plastic fork (Afro pick fail?)
• Dried hibiscus flowers.
• Dried Chamomile.  I will use this for tea.
• A belt buckle from Greenday’s Canadian Idiot tour in 2005.  I certainly did not go to this concert.
• Do not look in the trunk, please.
• I’m glad I’m not one of those gnarbags who keeps cologne in his car.
• Bird poop.  On the inside.

Now let’s play a game.  What’s your favourite thing in my car?  If you’re lucky, I may let you have it.

So in conclusion, I’m on NuvaRing now.  Vaginal, hormonal contraception, for the wins not propel from the vagina when I cough or poop.

Also, I think instead of calling people douchebags (its getting old), we should call them NuvaRings.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 at 12:46 AM and is filed under Game, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.