I went to Hickmon tonight with Kaylie.� Last time I went to Hickmon was for a “concert”.� That was twelve times better.� Hickmon is known for their drugs and lack of beauty.� That’s all.� Kaylie and I were the most attractive people in Kentucky.
So Michele… I luff her.� She’ll piss herself with amazement that I’m writing about her.� I’m her little weirdo.� She’s so cute.
Holly and I are back together : )� I’m so glad.� We had a misunderstanding.� I thought she was mad at me, she thought I was mad at her, it was all just a big ball of false anger.� I’m so glad we’re back together.
We’re taking a road trip to Nashville.� Holly, Steve, and I.� And we’ll meet up with Matthew Callis there.� That will be fun fun fun.� We really only need one bed.� I can snuggle with them.
They never let me snuggle with them.� They did let me have the llove llama llast time I spent the night at Steve’s though.� Holly told me she saw me at 3 AM in the kitchen drinking Pinot Noir from the bottle.
I still kicked Steve’s arse at Scrabble though.
“You almost touched my clitoris”
- Michele
So let’s just say, it’s not cool to be fat.� Ever.� Even if you’re John Fucking Candy.� Not Cool.
We had this Fizzicks competition (laughter) Wednesday, and afterward, nobody wanted to go back to school, so we went to Wimpy’s Corner in Greenfield, home of the 1 lb hamburger.� Holly and I, being the delicate flowers that we are, each got a Jr. Wimpy Burger.� Because I fucking hate cows.� Anywho, if you eat a double Wimpy Burger, you get a polaroid on the Fatass Hall of Fame.� This is Sam Stuart’s lifetime goal.
He ate and he ate and he ate and he ate.� Everyone watched, except me and Holly.� We hid him with a menu, whilest talking about how much we hate fat people.
He finished the burger in 3 minutes.� A 2 pound burger in three minutes.� Guhross.� He was so proud.� His greatest achievement.� Ever.� He continued eating his fries, then Butters’s fries.� He was going to get dessert, but then he saw how disgusted the pretty ones of the class were, so he stopped.
By the way, Greenfield, TN pretty much = Hickmon, KY.
I encouraged him to get anothern.
Me:� Picture it, Sam.� A huge fucking picture of you on that wall.�� Everyone in Greenfield will know you’re name.
Mark:� What the hell are you doing?
Me:� (whispering under the menu) shhh… I’m trying to kill him…
But anywho, Sam had to write down his time at the bottom of his photograph.
Mark:� Write down Three Weeks.� That will really throw them off.� *southern accent* “Three weeks?� But we close durin’ the night!� Hey Phil!� Phil!� Come here!� This don’t add up!”
Ian:� “We’re open all day… and some night… not all night!”
I almost pissed myself over that.� But not over Mark’s Swiss burger.
“Hey, I got a Swiss burger… Liz, let’s get a Swiss buger… in the Swiss Alps…”
- Mark
That was just all around -not- funny.
Sometimes, things are so -not- funny that they’re funny.� This is not one of those cases.� That was just a really really bad joke.� Mark failed at funny.
oh, and i got my damn girl scout cookies.� i thought i was going to have to kick some eight year old ass.
Michele started her period the summer before 6th grade.� She had no idea what it was, so she threw her panties at her mom.� Then she spent the night at her dad’s house.� She was so embarrassed about having her maxi pads that she wouldn’t even put them in the trashcan.� She threw them in the field behind his house.� The coyotes probably had alot of fun with that.
So we went to Corporation Mart last night.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Liz, but the kind of guys that you’re into would love to get pink sparkley tatoos.”
- Jared
Hello, Kettle, you’re black.
I bought hair ribbons.
I also had a severe case of road rage.� And by rage, I mean head.� No, nevermind.� I mean rage.
“You’re really hot when you yell.”
Just for the love of Pete, DON’T FUCKING PASS ON DOUBLE YELLOW LINES UNLESS YOU’RE SUICIDAL, ASSFACE!
And then nobody was stopping at their stopsign.
Liz:� Sometimes I forget that I’m in Union City.
Jared:� Fucktard Central?� Chyah.� Calling all Fucktards, Calling all Fucktards…
Liz:� I’m blogging that.
And please people, you know how much I hate cell phones.� You really know how much I hate text messaging.� But seriously.� Don’t text message while driving.� Do you read letters while driving?� Do you write letters while driving?� Driving involves looking at the damn road.� DON’T FING TEXT MESSAGE.
So in conclusion, creativity is more difficult to achieve, says Matthew Drew Callis, than intelligence.� It takes intelligence to be creative, but it doesn’t take creativity to be intelligent.� So remember how I said intelligence is hot?� Nevermind.� I meant creativity.