and by that, I mean a very nice young man.
“This is the most fun I’ve had without lubricant.”
- The dude from Saw.
He was hot. Except when he reached his hand in the poo. That was just nasty. That’s the only part of that movie that bothered me. Alley Jo and I watched it the other night, and we screamed during that part. Then he killed that guy with the toilet lid. That was funny.
He wasn’t hot in the second movie. I bet he smelled. He looked like he smelled.
Everyone should use protection.
I want a boy to give me pancakes in the morning. He doesn’t have to make them, he can just get them from McDonalds. Pancakes and a kiss on the forehead… that’s all I want. He might want sex in return the night before. Sex for pancakes? I’m down. I don’t see it as a tradeoff, I see it as killing two birds with one stone– getting what I want– twice.
St. Patrick’s Day? Oh yes. You.
To any of you who are mentally handicapt, the story in the blog below is indeed fictional, hence the “prose,” “short story,” and “my house.” I don’t own my own house.
“That wasn’t a very fair tradeoff.”
-I’ll keep it a secret. You asshole. If you want to say that you said that, go for it. It was really funny the next day. “Yes ma’am.”
How am I supposed to know what everyone is into and what scares everyone else? You people should come with an instruction manual.
I miss dancing with Lia. I miss driving around with Dan. I miss Omaha. I don’t miss Dan’s bitch ass mom.
You know how I thought Sarah said, “He really likes you. Either that or he’s a virgin.”? Welp, something similar happened today.
What Sarah said: They’re going to have to get out of the way.
What I thught she said: Some hos gonna have to get out the way!
Speaking of, Nikki needs to fucking get out of my way when I’m singing my part. I can and will pop a cap in her married ass.
“I see you lookin’, witcho lookin’ ass.”
- the girl in Alley Jo’s class.
Some people blog too much. These people are Liz and Liz. Most people don’t blog enough. Some people blog just enough. These people are Daniel Ryan Heeny.
With a teeny weenie.
When he was a widdle boy, his friends used to say, “Dan Heeny has a great big weenie” and he would say, “No I don’t! Shut up!.”
It’s funny how we change.
I just read Lia’s bulletin. It said, “yay for robbers on High St.” I live on high street. 721 High St. Union City, TN 38261. Write me a letter. When I asked for those tortillas, Tony was the only one who sent me one. You are all assholes.
Amy just got her nipples pierced. That’s something I will never ever do. All the ballet girls make fun of my nipples. Just because they’re small.
So I have some funny stories about porno. I would type them, but this blog is already too salty. Message me if you’d like to hear them. But if Alley Jo’s boyfriend finds out, she’s dead.
I encourage you all to go to www.indietits.com. It’s a webcomic about some birds who are trying to be indie. It’s funny. There’s this one with the Yelling Bird. In the first pane, he says “BLOG.” In the second pane, he says, “That’s it. That’s the joke.”
hahahha.
If I was artistically inclined, I would make a webcomic. I should team up with one of my many artistic friends. Or maybe my blog is good enough. I think my blog is good enough.
I was going to blog about the first time I used a tampon, but I decided I’ll wait to do that another time. Remind me.
This one isn’t very funny. The last two blogs make me look like a whore.
Eric called me a whore once. Then I spit in his face.
I am, however, Miss Baby Prostitute America. According to that chick.
So in conclusion, I’m still not a vegetarian. I’m not a vagitarian either. Guhros