Monday Bear

So since tomorrow is the first day of classes, and kids tend to par-tay on those days, Matt and I decided to mix up a few cocktails and have a sad little par-tay of our own. Hilarity ensued. After having two drinks, eating a whole box of Lean Cuisine pizza rolls, a corn dog, and a mini pizza between the two of us, we decided it was time for bed. Our party was about 45 minutes long.

I wear a night guard (I swear, it actually just looks like a clear retainer), you see (TMJ is only for people who are secure in their bedtime sexuality), and being the drunk little baby I am, I dropped it on the floor.

Matt: Don’t step on that! If you break, it you can never get another one!
Liz: Uh huh, stupid, I can just go to the dentist and he’ll make me one.
Matt: Well I’m not driving you all the way to Mississippi!

Mississippi? What?

I woke up this morning and had the most awful poop.

So most of you know that my birthday was on August 5, and here is a Lizt of all of the things I received:

• A doormat with cats on it, from Terri, my mother-in-law.
• A watering can, from Terri.
• A second watering can, from Matt’s Aunt Judy.  (Be careful what you ask for).
• A fancy purse from Matt’s Uncle and Aunt Bob and Carolyn (respectively).
• A fancy skirt from … doesn’t matter.
• A spice rack and candle from Judy, ehgain.  I regifted the spice rack to Colleen (sister-in-law).  The candle is sitting atop my toilet next to a book of matches.
• A lobster platter from Favee and Nana.  It’s not a platter for lobster, but rather a platter with pictures of dancing lobsters on it, to match the one they got me last year.
• A FANCY scale from Favee and Nana that doesn’t quite tell me I’m cute and skinny, but rather tells me my Body Fat Percent after programming my height, age, and gender.  (I’m not telling you).
• A pretty necklace from Favee and Nana.
• A pizza stone from Terri
• A lobster platter from Colleen, to match the lobster platter that Nana got me.
• A Kitchenaid Chef’s knife from Alley Jo.
• Fantasia on DVD from mommy.
• 500 Cupcakes AND 500 Cookies from Mommy.
• Freckleface Strawberry from Mommy.
• A Singer sewing machine from Daddy!

Now, in case you’re thinking, “Her awful fiancee didn’t get her a thing!” rest assured that he did.  He took me to Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana, which was tons of fun.  Did I write about that?  Well I guess I will next time.

So in conclusion, my gratuitous use of unflattering Hillary Clinton pictures in this blog does not express my political views. In fact I would probably vote for Hillary if she was running*.

*This statement doesn’t actually mean that I would vote for her. I mean, I don’t know her personally. Plus, Mister says that she might get on the rag and push the button**. I would actually vote for John McCain***.

**This statement was made to make fun of people who actually think that, stupid.

***This statement doesn’t nessecarily mean that I’m voting for John McCain. I mean, he’s a sweet guy and everything, but geez, a white man? I’m voting for Barack Obama****.

****This statement does not nessecarily reflect my political views. A black man? In a leadership role? What kind of a crazy liberal do you take me for? I’m voting for Hillary*****.

*****Shit, she’s not running?

Saving my ass, for potential probable hecklers, all in a blog’s work.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 26th, 2008 at 1:11 PM and is filed under Family, Party over here. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.