Monday Bear

 So the other day, Al Gore, Jim Wales, and John Seigenthaler came to my school to talk about the First Amendment and the Internet.  John talked about Wikipedia, Jim talked about Wikipedia, and then there was a 45 minute lunch break before Al Gore talked.  Not wanting to lose my seat, I sat and waited.  Thirty minutes later, I realized I had to pee, so I left the auditorium to go to the bathroom.  When I come out, there’s Al Gore standing in the hallway, and he said to me:

Al:  You have the most beautiful red hair.
Liz:  Thank you.

I’m super duper cereal.

Dear Everyone,

Please stop saying “random” when things are not, indeed, random.  In fact, please stop saying it even when things are “random.”  You are mis/overusing the word, and I am/ have been tired of it since six years ago when you started wearing those black shirts with the white writing on them that say things like “…monkeys…evil clowns… squirrels…”.  They are not funny.  And to help you out, I have compiled a lizt of words which you can use in lieu of “random.”

•  miscellaneous
• adventitious
• various
• purposeless
• aimless
• stray
• arbitrary
• serendipitous
• erratic

Correct:  A rhino charges at random.

Incorrect:  Lols, Liz’s blogs are so random.

Incorrect:  She’s acting weird lately.  That’s so random.

Incorrect:  Some random guy came up to me asked me where the loo was.

Fondly,

Liz

I have one mole on my body.  It’s on my stomach, about an inch to the left of my bellybutton.  I must have felt it in the middle of the night two nights ago, because I had the strangest dream:

I was in the shower, and Colleen, my sister-in-law, was in the bathroom looking in the mirror.  I saw this blackhead in my stomach, so I squeezed it, and gunk just started coming out of it.  I showed Colleen my amazing inch and a half long black head, and she told me to keep squeezing, because it looked like there was more in there.  Well, I squeezed and I squeezed, and it turned out the blackhead was actually a very thin rope that was covered in blackhead gunk (sebum and dirt).  It had beads on it at various places.

What the hell does that mean?

I told it to Kaitlyn and Ashley (girl I met yesterday with Kaitlyn) yesterday in the art building.  They laughed.

Speaking of art building, my nipples shall be on display there.  This girl with pink hair asked me if she could have a picture of them for a painting she’s doing for Painting 4.  I said sure.  We went into the bathroom, and I took my shirt and bra off, and I said, “How do you want them?” After much debate and careful consideration, we decided to make them hard.  I think it was a good decision.

I’ll take a picture of the painting.  But you can’t have the picture that the girl took.

Summer of 2006, I took a picture of my nipple with Sarah’s phone, and I made it her wallpaper.

That was a hoot.

So in conclusion, I would like to give a special thanks to Zephyr and Kaitlyn for their contributions to this blog.   Also, for Colleen, for being in the bathroom with me during my dream.  If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have anyone to show my really gross blackhead.

Alley Jo.

PS:  Ha!  This lame-o in a sweater vest and hair gel broke his computer, and he’s freaking out.  Ha!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 1:48 PM and is filed under Awkward Scenarios, Breasts, Dreams, Language, Nasty, School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.