You’re not welcome here, Dig Them.
So for those who don’t know, I moved. Relocated, if you will. Instead of ye olde Nashville, I now live in the crotch of middle Tennessee, Murfreesboro. I just a.) didn’t want to live in a dorm again, and b.) didn’t want to commute from Nashville every day like Matt has done for the past 3 years. So Matthew, Gabe, and I have joined forces and are renting an apartment, Three’s Company style. Except I’m doing one of them
Matthew. Gabe is too Columbian for my taste. Not my flavour. However, both of the men residing in my residence are quite hairy, and we all know that I’m quite hairy for a lady (Matt calls me his Sasquatch Wife), so I’m a bit concerned for our shower drain.
Good thing we all only shower when absolutely necessary
So even though we’ve only been living here for 3 weeks-ish. My mother from the armpit of Tennessee, Union City, 4 hours away, has come to visit twice, much to the dismay of my counterpart, Matthew. However, it did give me some good grocery store- related blog notes, which I am pulling from my purse we type/ read. (Actually, that’s quite impossible, because I can’t type and pull at the same time, and you can’t read as I’m typing this, unless you have some sort of time- travel suit on).
But I digress:
So mum and I were leaving the grocery store. We had gone in her car, and you know how you get confused, because you look for your car and then think someone stole it because it’s nowhere to be found in the parking lot, and the other person is cracking up because they didn’t tell you they took their car? Like, how are you supposed to remember that kind of thing? Well, this has nothing to do with that.
I have kind of a shitty car that is difficult to spot, because it is typical-car-coloured.
Liz: ::looking for her car::
Mom: We’re over here.
Liz: Oh, I thought that Intrepid was mine.
Mom: Intrepid? You must be In-trippin’!
The following didn’t happen with my present, but still blogworthy, nonetheless.
So my mom went to the grocery store in San Diego. When the guy finished checking her out, there was a lone string bean in the bottom of her basket.
Guy: You want this bean?
Mom: I don’t think so.
Guy: It’s a magic bean.
Mom: Well, how much is it?
So the guy puts it on the produce scale and added 3 cents to her bill.
Guy: 3 cents.
Mom: That’s too much.
So the guy deletes it from the receipt and pockets the bean.
Guy: Well, I’m going to buy this bean and plant it, and I’m going to have a golden goose tomorrow.
She would have asked him out after that, but he was married.
So in conclusion, everyone knows that I am the goddess of spelling and grammar and am never wrong. So if your spellcheck picks up a red squiggle under anything in my blog, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. They changed it. And your sweet Mozilla Firefox is wrong, Betch.
Edit: I’m in the library at school, and I just saw a guy with a shirt on that read, “101% Redneck.” That’s all.
July 20th, 2007 at 11:51 PM
that redneck t-shirt is Squidbillies-esque. I do cringe every time I watch it. That I do. do.
Magic bean, eh? Is that what they’re calling ‘em these days? Your mom is tres-cutee’.
Don’t kill me, but there is a period missing. Not the rag, the dot. Sorry to be a bizzkull.
July 23rd, 2007 at 3:29 AM
I love a man with magic beans.
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:54 AM
My car has a bunch of stickers on the back so I never miss it. I love it! My mum’s car is more generic, though, I get what you mean ^^
July 24th, 2007 at 4:50 AM
A guy with magic beans huh? That’s a real shame that he was married. You never know what could’ve happened.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:21 AM
shower drains are really disgusting. i have very long hair, so naturally my shower drain is always messy…
July 26th, 2007 at 9:47 PM
You could type with one hand and pull with the other. It’s more possible than being 101% percent of something!
July 27th, 2007 at 5:50 AM
ROFL, Bean Man is lame! Pity he’s married though. :/
July 27th, 2007 at 10:28 AM
so you’ve moved huh? your lucky your mom visits you. haha. :))
and the guy with the magic beans is so funny.
July 29th, 2007 at 3:08 PM
how wonderful you moved. are you closer to me now?
well send the family my love, and i hope that the bean guy grows beans and not golden geese (because, well, they’re mean)
LOVE!
July 29th, 2007 at 8:53 PM
Yay for being relocated into a place you find more comfortable! Eck, I’m going to be experiencing the “dorm-lifestlyle” for the first time this coming Fall semester…I already got a taste of it back at my two-day orientation. Everything is fine, except the whole freak-out about if I could trust and get along with my roommate and the cleanliness problem in the bathrooms - which are co-ed for me. *shudders*
“In-trippin’” — ahaha, oh dear. XD Your mom seems like a fun lady to be around, better than mine.
July 30th, 2007 at 4:20 PM
Hmpf, I wish I could relocate myself.
And I want a man with a golden goose. That would be great… I would kidnap it and then sell it and buy nice things for myself
August 1st, 2007 at 1:23 AM
Your mother sounds like should would be fun to be around.
As for your hair + shower… how about a shower strainer that will pick up your hair so all you have to do is grab it and stick it in the trash?
August 2nd, 2007 at 5:24 PM
lol your entertaining.
I’ve heard of Murfreesboro , never had a real interest of going there and seeing what anything was like , just sounded so weird to me.
101% redneck?..kind of raises an eyebrow doesn’t it?
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:33 AM
good luck with the new place:)
November 3rd, 2007 at 10:50 AM
i think that man with the beans is my bio. father. didn’t feel like typing the .logical part. it seemed illogical at the time. my mom drives a BMW. oh, were we not just talking about what kind of cars we/our family owns…oh well. i just thought…because everyone else felt it pertinent…but, well, nevermind.