Tattoos, Exotic Camping Lesbians, and One Night Stands in Exchange for Pancakes.
So I have a new MondayBear.com contest. Anyone who gets my name “Liz” or “mondaybear.com” tattooed on their person gets 50 cents. Either that, or they get to give me 50 cents. Or both. But that wouldn’t really do much, except get you a tattoo.
Oh, and you have to pay for the tattoo.
ATTN: I will not be responsible for any physical, emotional, or financial damage done by said tattooing or exchange of coins. See the frigggging disclaimer. seriously.
“There’s no C in braces.”
- Matt
I had this dream where I went to summer camp and was in a cabin with Lia and Jennifer Lopez. We all decided to make out. I started making out with JLo, but she talked way too much. She asked me, “How did you get to be so sexy?”, and I replied with a suave, sultry response. I’m not quite sure what it was, but trust me, if you were there, you would have been like, “Whoa, Liz. smoooth.” Anywho, I got tired of her babbling, so I moved on to eager Lia. I straddled her lap and began to make out with her and eventually reached down to her crotch, where I felt her massive erection. What’s funny is that I totally expected it. It would have been weird if she -wasn’t- in boner city.
Then I’m all, “Oh my gosh, guise, I’m -such- a lesbian! Let’s go to a girlie bar!” So we’re out on the town, decked out, Sex in the City style, and we walk into this lesbian bar. I get on the dance floor all by myself and start hardcore dancing. Then my grandparents called me on my cell phone. I don’t remember what they said, because I woke up.
Not sure why I dreamt that; probably because Lia Catania and Jennifer Lopez are both Mexykanz.
You know, I’m very, very happy with Matthew. We’ve been together for about a year and a half, but I did fall in love at a young age, so I did miss some things something: I’ve always wanted to have a one night stand, spend the night, and have pancakes from McDonalds the next morning in bed. Here is a lizt of things wrong with that:
- As much as I like stands, I’m not really the type to have those of the “one night” variety. I’d just like to keep my numbers down.
- Most of the guys who would have a one night stand with me wouldn’t think to get me pancakes in the morning. They may wake me up and ask me to make them, but they would not sneak out of bed and get them for me.
- Any half sane man wouldn’t leave some slut he just met the night before alone in his house. She may steal his record collection. The only way he would do this was if he had a McDonald’s in his house, which would be incredible.
- To tell you the truth, most of the guys I have dated aren’t the type to buy surprise food. (Excluding Matt.)
- I always imagined this happening in a spacious flat with flowing white linen curtains and one of those low to the ground Japanese-y beds, and to tell you the truth, most of the guys I have dated aren’t the type to afford a spacious flat. Or a bed. (Including Matt.)
So in conclusion, if I had a McDonald’s in my house, I would make it to where I wouldn’t have to pay for it. It would be open to the public. I would make many more friends that way. They would just have to knock on the door to make sure I wasn’t naked. Or maybe I should have a neon “NAKED” sign that I can turn on and off, like a hotel sign that says “NO” before “VACANCY.” Or the Krispy Kreme “FRESH DONUTS” sign.
July 2nd, 2007 at 5:10 PM
you were in a dream of mine the other night too, liz. and i’m a mexiCAN’T, by the by.
and i love you. come to me, dahlink. i’ll show you my massive erection in person.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:48 PM
What a weird dream you had. As hideous as it sounds, Jennifer López movies are on cable so often but I don’t mind watching them over and over again.
Night stands for pancakes is such a nice idea but reading your list seems that isn’t going to happen unless you wake them up first and buy the pancakes together.
July 4th, 2007 at 12:32 AM
What an odd thing to dream about.
In regards to McDonald’s though… is it bad that I completely have blueprints in my head now of how easy that would be to arrange?
July 4th, 2007 at 3:17 AM
dreams can be so weird haha
July 4th, 2007 at 11:53 AM
Hah, the image of the neon ‘NAKED’ sign made me giggle
I’m craving pancakes now
July 5th, 2007 at 8:07 AM
Hooray for free, or almost free, site promotion! I’m not getting no tattoo though.
Wow that is one weird dream! Someone’s been watching too many movies?
Ewww pancakes from McDonalds are so fatty. Or at least they are over here in Australia anyway. They’re oh so good though.
July 6th, 2007 at 2:45 PM
Sorry but 50 cents isn’t worth getting a couple minutes of pain and paying $50-$100 dollars. Plus this is my first time coming here so I don’t really know you or your blog
Omg I used to work at Mcdonalds so I don’t eat their food anymore
July 6th, 2007 at 4:51 PM
Wow, that is a really funny dream and the fact that you remember it with such detail amazes me. I think a dream like that would freak out. You seem to have handled it nicely though. But still very funny.
July 7th, 2007 at 12:47 AM
I’ve had so many weird dreams like this
July 7th, 2007 at 5:14 PM
Quite an interesting dream. That would probably freak me out if I had that dream, only because I never dream, especially about horny shit like that.
July 8th, 2007 at 2:49 PM
Hmm, I’ve never had a dream of a woman with manly parts, but I’ve seen dreams of guys with womanly parts, mainly boobs. Once there was a pregnant man in my dream :O
The McDonalds scenario would be nice if I liked McDonalds
July 11th, 2007 at 2:45 PM
liz liz liz liz liz liz
let’s marquee
but you -were- in a cabin with j.blow
July 11th, 2007 at 5:11 PM
LMAO oh my your entry cracked me up and same with your comment on my site. I like that saying … I think imma use it from now on “Nothing like hefty hoochies running around doing ho activities” it goes so well together.
July 12th, 2007 at 12:42 AM
“Any half sane man wouldn’t leave some slut he just met the night before alone in his house.” LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well at least you seem to have enjoyed that dream… I hate nightmares.
July 12th, 2007 at 11:03 PM
Lol, very,very interesting dream you had. I’ve had several dreams like that (not with celebrities though).
July 13th, 2007 at 12:53 AM
Wow! You know I’ve kinda had a dream like that before actually and I happen to be very straight and happy with my boyfriend whom I also feel in love a young age with. I do kinda think about what I missed out on but these past 5 years have been wonderful just growing up with him and falling deeper in love. But I still have dreams of my wilder side coming out and I’m hoping that I’ll find some middle ground within my personality ya know?
July 15th, 2007 at 1:41 PM
Wow, interesting dream. Very interesting. LOL
July 15th, 2007 at 6:20 PM
Haha funny dream!
I’ve never had a guy sneak out to buy me pancaces but I’ve had guys sneaking out before I woke up… That made me feel SO good about myself.
July 17th, 2007 at 10:24 PM
You know your post is very entertaining.
The lesbian dream..hmmm I never had such a linear dream such as you. Your lucky one second I’m having fun and the next a serial killer is chasing after me.
Hmmm if you had a mcdonalds in your house wouldn’t there be a lot of people cramming up your house?
July 18th, 2007 at 12:04 PM
Ahaha, from the title of your post I knew it would be entertaining to read. XD You have very…odd dreams? But at least you remember what you dream about. Rarely do I ever remember what I’m dreaming about, I just know that I end up falling off the bed or couch. I love your idea of having a McDonald’s in the house though. ^^
July 20th, 2007 at 2:24 AM
i can never remember my dreams. but i’m willing to bet they’re not as entertaining as yours. haha.
July 20th, 2007 at 2:09 PM
I want to be in a cabin with JLO
July 23rd, 2007 at 6:43 AM
Hehehe, sorry for commenting on an old entry but the title totally got my attention. I’ve had similar dreams, too, but I usually turn a man in those…
As for one night stands, they’ll only be one night stands for me if they’re bad. Surely, if someone is good, I’d want mooooorrre.
A McDonald’s in my house sound nice. I wouldn’t mind having all that sausage-y goodness every day! :O