So last night, I had this funny dream where I was watching a concert at this wave pool, and there were many stoners. I needn’t worry about my safety though, because Gary Coleman and Emanuel Lewis were my body guards, following me around with guns and whatnot.
I swear.
Anywho, here is a fun story, with pictures. The other day, we were at the pool. I felt a raindrop on my shoulder, but the sky was clear. Perplexed, I looked up to see if some umbrella or something had dripped on me, but to no avail. I looked at the supposed drop, and this is what I saw:
Poop. Bird poop is what it was.
Liz: Matt! A bird shat upon me!
Matt:Quick! Take a picture!
You all know that I hate fat people. Welp, after working in retail for a few months, namely the fitting room, I’ve compiled a list of reasons I don’t like them. You are all welcome to add to the list via comments:
- They smell. Steve told me that this is because they don’t wash under their folds.
- On the rare occasion that they do hang their clothes back on the hanger before returning them to me, they hang them up inside-out.
- They bitch.
- They’re mean to me because I’m not fat.
- They’re in denial about being fat, so they try to fit into a Juniors size medium, when they should be wearing Women’s World 3x, stretching out the clothes for all the skinny people.
- Mainly, because they’re mean and lazy.
So Colleen was trying to think of ideas as who she and her boyfriend Eric would dress as for a couple’s party where they had to dress up as famous couples. I said Bert and Ernie. Courtney threw out an idea that Colleen and Eric pretty much shat upon.
Courtney retorts, “You know what you guys should go as? A penis and some balls. Because together you make a big… Dick.”
So in conclusion, I just took one of my world famous 30-second poops.
Terri: Nobody poops that fast.
Liz: I do.
[...] Оригинал сообщения от Liz тут… [...]
i know you shit fast… but i think the bird shit faster. and why is your face so close to the feces???
I must say that your blog is one of the most original that I’ve read. It left me wondering about a few things.. I won’t voice them just yet however.. I’ll just continue reading to see if I get any of my answers lol. I have been shit on by a bird before. It’s really crappy, no pun intended. But this bird did it in my hair and it was like yellowish white and the yellow turned my hair a yellowish tint where the bird poop had landed. I can also poop very speedily. It amazes my boyfriend. He just doesn’t seem to have the same talent as I do.. he takes hours it seems. LOL Anyways.. Thanks for the pics. The bird poop is enlightening. !!
I’ve only been pooped on by a bird once. It really wasn’t fun. But taking photos of it, now that is amusing. I would almost want to be pooped on again simply for the photo factor.
My sister works in a clothing store, and one of the things she complains the most about is people wearing things that are clearly not ideal for their size/body type. and the fact that they walk around outside the fitting rooms looking in the mirrors thinking they look so good. it makes her so mad sometimes.
Lol, Gary Coleman and Emanuel Lewis? Why short black men?
You should’ve caught that bird and ripped a big one in it’s face.
–Fat people are overtly hypocrytical in that they say they hate their fat yet still eat 7 pieces of pie.
Maybe you have an STD that eats up all of your crap, then leaves you with nothing?
LOL, funny but disgusting. I’m sorry about that bird poop! I’m so glad I’ve never experienced that before. Aw, well they’re not all that mean =]
I feel that you have an awesome site. The blog was good, and until i got to the fat section. I felt that was extremely rude. Now, i know its your own blog and i’m not trying to be mean. Its just that i’ve been overweight my whole life and am none of those things that you mentioned. I’ve been working for hte past couple months to lose weight and its working.
But i just think its wrong to group ‘all’ overweight people into smelly, and mean. … just my opinion.
Oh man that’s hilarious. I went to college with a girl who, while on the way home from work one day thought how wonderful the walk was, so she looked up to enjoy the view and got a poop dropping on her forehead.
And then she told everyone.
Oh wow, I had that happen to me one… a bird pooped in my hair and it dripped down my face!!! IT was so embarrassing and I was like mortified.. I freaked…
My cousin’s bird has pooped on me on many occasions. It’s really gross. And, I have to say that I am very offended by your reasons that you hate fat people. I’m not fat but my mother is somebody who is amongst the population of obesity and I love her very much. People give her the most obnoxious stares, or comments or suggestive sarcasm. And I pity people who cannot treat them like a human being. Because they are a person who has feelings like the rest of us. I just pray God have mercy when he punishes you for your cruelty to people.
lol your a funny gal..I can’t believe you took a picture of that shit, literally. A bird pooped on my leg once when I was 15 I was riding my bike to go tanning, I drove under a tree…and yeah.
HAHAHAH I was sure this was some bird poo LOL
I’m always afraid of pigeons when they fly over me -_-
Ooops, seems like that bird hit his target. XD Just kidding.
A bird has never pooped on me. *knocks on wood*
Darn girl your a funny one… very interesting topic too, those small dudes as your body guards lmao!!! so i guess no wonder they got guns the best way to keep you safe is to use them lol…
No Ami is a guy lol….
aww, how gross but funny
a bird did that to me before, i thought someone through ranch at me rofl
there sure are a lot of people with bird/pooping stories, so i thought i’d indulge you in one of mine.
i went on a boat trip with my brother and his boy scout troupe, and we were going to find whales. we found the whales, and also found out that i was horribly sea sick. so as i’m puking my guts out, i finally get so tired that i just go lay down to take a nap (puking is exhausting). i remember kind of waking up and looking around, and this girl with pig tails walked by me, and then -right then- a seagull flew by and pooped in her hair.
i wish i could have laughed harder, but i started puking again.
<3 i miss you!
[...] Blog, received a lot of negative feedback. If any of you old school Monday Bears recall the Great Obesity Fiasco, as it will hereon out be formally named, I am obligated to make fun of any gramatical or logical [...]