So I’ve got this problem: I was going to blog all the funny voice mails (or as Verizon calls them, “VMAILS,”) that Alley Jo has sent me in the past year or so, but I was going through my phone, and they are no where to be found. What happened to them? Are they in a better place? Tell me what you think.
But anywho, here are some I can remember by heart:
- “Liz. I love you like so many cats in an old woman’s house. And like those cats, when your body dies, I will consume it, so it does not ruin your lovely, plush, green carpet.”
- “Liz. I have your toast. And if you don’t call me back, I’m going to butter it, and then I’m gonna put it in the toaster, and then I’m gonna eat it. But not in that order.”
- “Hi, Liz! It’s funny that I called you, because I was just thinking about you! … something about The Sound of Music…”
- Something about Liz needing an intervention because she smokes pot all the time and it’s ruining her life. This one was funny because I’ve never smoked pot. I’ve seen it once, though. In a movie. Too bad I can’t remember what she said. Probably because of all that pot.
One time, we bought some Zoo Pals and ate hotdogs off of them. We sang the Zoo Pals song (you know, “oink oink Zoo Pals, moo moo Zoo Pals…”), except we used bad words so kids won’t watch TV and become fat. (It made much more sense at 2:30 in the morning in my mom’s kitchen). Anywho, here’s what happened:
Liz: Sphincter, Sphincter, Zoo Pals!
Alley Jo: Ass, Ass, Zoo Pals!
Liz: …Mustard, Mustard, Zoo Pals!
AJ: …Liz… Mustard isn’t appropriate for this song.
Liz: Yeah, but we’re eating it…
So I was looking at wedding gowns online, and I found some interesting advertising techniques.
Here are some more, if you’re interested:
I wonder if the dress comes with that.
Oh, and here’s my personal favourite
Yep. It’s a vag.
So in conclusion, we’re having a yard sale!
I just said that because I couldn’t think of a clever one liner.
But really, we are.
i like this one because its about me…*blog*. I mean…*poop*