Monday Bear

So the other day, I was in McCallie, and I remembered that I hadn’t pooped in over 24 hours. Then I thought about blogging, because I blog about pooping. Then I thought about what I needed to blog. Then I thought about how just about every time I start a new blog, I have to stop to poop. Then I had to poop. It was a miracle.

My biology teacher talks about pooping. And most of the time, he doesn’t even say “defecate.” He actually says “poop”. I thought that was cute. Here are some funny things he’s said:

Wait, I decided to make a list. I haven’t done one of those in a while.

• “They ingest these berries… enzymes… digestive tract… muscle contractions… then they poop ‘em out… organic matter, yada yada”
• “Next time you eat berries, don’t poop in a toilet. Poop off in a corner somewhere.”
• This wasn’t actually said by the teacher, but by the 50ish year old hillbilly woman in my class:
  “So lemme get this straight. That goes into the little varment that’s gnawin’ on it.”
• “We as humans have adapted our tongues not only to digestion, but also to courtship”
  Then I laughed really loudly, but I was the only person to laugh. That old woman didn’t even laugh.

So something funny happened on the beach. It wasn’t very crowded, but there was a couple about 8 yards away from us, and more people about 30 yards away. Matt informed me that he would enjoy having relations with me.
Liz: Good, because that couple is about to leave.
Matt: Yeah, but those people way over there can see us.
Liz: Yeah, but they can’t tell what we’re doing.
Matt: Well I’d just feel more comfortable finding a new spot.
So I get up and turn around…

There was a family with 2 small children about 10 feet away.

So I laughed.

On the way back to the condo, I decided it wouldn’t have worked anyway. I was wearing a one piece. My old 40’s one made out of that stiff material with boyshort bottoms.

There was no way it was going to happen. And it didn’t.

And just for the record, I made an inaccurate point in my previous blog. I liked many people in high school. I just happened to hang out with Holly the most. We were the only girls in fizzicks, for jeebus sakes.

In reconciliation (JADE McCREA), here are a list of people I liked and loved my senior year of high school.

• JADE McCREA
• Holly
• JADE McCREA
• Jess
• JADE McCREA
• Jamie
• JADE McCREA
• Mahan
• JADE McCREA
• Hog

Really, Jade kind of got on my nerves. With her… dimples… and her… tiny tiny ass.

: )

I feel like I haven’t been on my period in about 4 months, but really, it was just 2 weeks ago. Wheird.

I noticed I had alot of J friends. I actually even had a friend named J. But speaking of which:

Here’s my new friend Other Jade. New friends usually get a blogsection, or at least a blogmention.

Cute, right? Welp, she’s modelling for these so-called pStyles. At first I thought they were kind of silly. Well, I still do. Really, all they are are those things that they give women in the military and women who go camping all the time so they can pee next to a tree without squatting and getting poison ivy on her ass and having to show her hot doctor, or because she tried to pee on a tree like her dad, so she just unzipped her fly and thrusted and let go, pissing all over her jeans.

…

Not from personal experience or anything.

But really they’re just those things, except in pretty colours, so they can be marketted to real women.

And that’s a fab idea.

I really needed one on my way back from Florida. No freaking way I’m sitting on a Taco Bell toilet.

That’s what those bars are there for. They aren’t for handicap people. They’re the same thing gymnasts use to spot themselves. We use them to hold ourselves up whilste relieving ourselves.

They I should invent a poopStyle.

While we’re on Jade, or the subject of, I had this dream. We were driving around the courtyard in this golf cart. She was dressed up as a baseball player, and I was dressed up as a giant blue fuzzy bug. My costume had a hood on it and everything. And I was telling people not to litter. So anywho, it was time to go to our creative writing (?) class, so we stopped to golf cart and got off. There were many people around, and they were all staring at Jade’s ass. This was really pissing me off, so I stood behind her and yelled at people not to look at her butt. When we got to our class, she was still in her baseball uniform, but I was now dressed up as a mermaid. Everyone started talking about The Little Mermaid, and Jade asked me to do this cool move that Ariel did. She wanted me to teach it to her, but she just couldn’t grasp it.

I don’t know how I got those seashells to stick to my boobs breasts.

Matt: What time is it?
Liz: What do you mean?

I had another weird dream the night before that, but I can’t remember. I’ll have to ask someone. I mean someone to whom I would have told the dream.

Why do pirates have a bar of soap attached to them?

So if the ship wrecks, they can wash themselves ashore.

I told that one to Dr. MacDreamy.

So in conclusion, I got a new job at Ross. The only thing I don’t like is that the handbook said read, “Appropriate undergarments must be worn at all times.” Does that mean I have to wear a bra? Lame.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 15th, 2007 at 2:29 PM and is filed under Dreams, Nasty, Pooping, Secks, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.