Monday Bear

So I’m warning you: This is a pretty raunchy blog, and if you’re under the age of 16, or are related to me, or are a med school admissions person, I prefer you not read this particular entry. I will find out if you do. Especially you, little Brenda. I’ll tell your mom about your myspace page…

As a sidenote, I’m wearing a bracelet that is next to impossible to type in.  So I take it off.  Now I can type.

Matt’s going to do a study to see if there is a turd: penis ratio.

You know you’ve all thought about it.

So I really really like those Sonic commercials with the bald guy and the chick that looks like my mom.  I think they’re so cute together.  I hope they get married.  To each other.
Matt said that there’s no way that he could ever get with her in real life, but I beg to differ.  Some women are just attracted to bald men…

Just like some men are attracted to pregnant women.

I’ve had horrible baby fever for the past month or so, and I’ve been walking around the house with a pillow under my dress.  Seriously.

But on the other hand, I really hate those Geico commercials with the celebrities.  The one with Little Richie is funny for the first few seconds, but then they lay it on too thick.  It’s just not funny after the second line or so.  And the one with Verne Troyer just isn’t funny at all.  It’s like they purged the funnyness.  It’s like they told him, “Hey, be funny.”  And when people try too hard to be funny, they always fail.
Here’s where the real raunchiness sets in, but I don’t really call it raunch.  I think this is a serious feminist issue:  Anal bleaching.  It should never have started, just like pubic shaving.  Let me elaborate:

Twenty years ago, only a select few “ladies” in L.A. shaved their pubic areas.  Now, many men find a woman who has hair on her area disgusting.  They prefer that women look like pre-pubescent children.  They won’t touch a woman who isn’t shaven, as it is “unclean.”

I think this is absolute bullshit, and this is why:

• It’s not natural.
• Some women, such as myself, have extremely sensitive skin, and when a razor touches it, they get horrible, horrible razor burn.
• It itches when it grows back.
• It’s a pain.

I wish no one had ever shaved her area; that way, we women wouldn’t be subjected, and expected to do this horrible act to ourselves.  If men only knew how much we hate doing it, they wouldn’t expect it.

Shaving does -not- make you cleaner.  If you shower regularly, you should be fine.  In fact, our pubic hair is there for a reason.  It’s there for the same reason our eyelashes are there:  to keep stuff out.  Therefore, if you shave, your vagina is probably not as clean as that of someone like me who goes natural.

But then, if you find that trimming makes you feel more groomed and attractive, that’s fine.  -I- keep things trimmed up, but if a women doesn’t even feel comfortable trimming, she definitely should -not- trim.  Men shouldn’t be picky about these things.  They should feel privileged to come anywhere near that area.

So with anal bleaching:  I first heard about it a few years ago.  Now it’s all the rage in L.A.  Everyone is doing it.  Now…

IT’S JUST NOT NECESSARY.

But:  I predict that at this rate, in twenty years, anal bleaching will be as expected as pubic shaving is.  We need to stop doing these things just to please men.  Here’s how we do it:

1. Do -not- waste your money on anal bleaching.  That skin is supposed to be darker than the rest of our skin.  That skin is different, just like our genitals are a different colour than the rest of our skin.
2. Stop shaving your hair off, unless you truly like razor burn, itchy regrowth, and spending 15 extra minutes in the shower.

You know what really grinds my gears?  When people like my mom (see the Diet Coke blog) pretend to not eat at fast food restaurants.  Sure it’s bad for you.  Sure it’s gross how it sits out all day.  Sure people have spit in it and dropped it on the floor.  But you know what?  It tastes good.  People can’t possibly think that all fast food tastes bad.   But plenty of people say it does.  They pretend not to eat fast food, but when they’re really craving sonic, they go two towns over to indulge themselves.  But these people look down upon people who are “out” about fast food.  I call these people Fast Food Snobs.

Also, I don’t care if your mom says that rubbing a frog on your back will cure scoliosis.  She’s not a doctor.  I don’t care how smart you say she is.  Some men never realize that they mom isn’t always right.

You Are Ernie

Playful and childlike, you are everyone’s favorite friend – even if your goofy antics get annoying at times. You are usually feeling: Amused – you are very easily entertained You are famous for: Always making people smile. From your silly songs to your wild pranks, you keep things fun. How you life your life: With ease. Life is only difficult when your friends won’t play with you!

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 21st, 2007 at 8:51 PM and is filed under Dating, School, Secks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.