Monday Bear

So I was going to blog yesterday, but I was distracted.  I was all set.  I had a Diet Coke and a bag of popcorn, and I was in the mood for bloggin’.  Then the phone rings.  Of course, it’s for my mom, who is at her friend’s house.  That’s okay though, because I’m still in blog mode.  So I head to the computer… “Wait, where’s my coke?… I must have set it down to look at the caller I.D….Crap.”  I had no idea where it was.  I searched around the house for (I crap you not) at least 30 minutes looking for my coke.

I looked on every table.
I looked in the fridge.
I looked in the microwave.
I looked by the computer.

Finally, I check in the garbage can, and sure enough, there it is.  Of course I didn’t take it out and drink the rest.  What do you think I am, gross or something?

So I was ultra bummed about my loss of beverage and failed to blog.
I still don’t understand, though, because it’s just not like me to not recycle.

(Shut up, Ian.)

Speaking of Diet Coke, there’s something my mom does that bugs me.  Most of you know, she’s been on this health/fitness kick for the past year or so, and she tries her best to let everyone know that she’s more health conscious than thou.
So you know when you go to a fast food or fast food-esque restaurant, they ask you if you’d like a drink/ what you’d like to drink?
Welp, in restaurants where you get your own drink, such as McDonald’s, it’s understood that what they’re really asking you is if you’re having a fountain drink or water.  They don’t really want to know exactly what you’re having to drink, or else they would get it for you.
Welp, every time mom and I go to a restaurant like this and they ask her what she wants to drink, she says, “I’m going to have a diet coke.”

Mom.  Nobody cares what you’re going to drink.  What the people want to know is if they can charge you for a non-water beverage.  They don’t want to know your fitness routine.

The only exception for this rule (yes, rule, I just made it one) is if you’re one of those people who call every carbonated beverage a “coke”.  Even so, you need to stop.  It’s a soda.  It’s a pop.  It’s a soda pop.  It’s a carbonated beverage.  Coca Cola is becoming a monopoly; stop humouring it.

That’s kind of how people ask me how my grades are, and I say, “I made an A in Honors Chemistry.”
I really don’t have to say the “honors” part.  I usually don’t, if I’m talking to someone who already knows I’m an honor student.  I just want everyone, especially strangers, to think know I’m smart.

So I was watching Oprah yesterd…

Let me explain:

I usually don’t watch Oprah unless I hear something really cool is going to be on there, but many of you know that she comes on immediately after Dr. Phil, and I don’t always bother to turn the TV off afterward.  So yesterday, I decided to take a shower after Dr. Phil (The first time since Sunday), and then I stretch in my bedroom floor, facing the television, which just happens to be on Oprah.  I like stretching after I get out of the shower because my muscles are warm, therefore maximizing my stretching benefit.

That said,

Janet Miss Jackson was on Oprah (after a lovely performance bringin’ it old skool with Nasty Boys) and they were talking about the super bowl incident with Justin Timberlake.  Welp, Oprah asked this question:

Did you feel like Justin just left you hanging?

Of course, with my thinking that this is the cleverest and most clever pun of the century, I’m laughing my bottom off.  However, Oprah, nor Janet Jackson, nor any audience member laughed.  Not even a chuckle.  Not even a “Pun intended.”  Not even a “That’s what he said!”

That just goes to show you:  Never put me in a live studio audience.

But for realz, does that make me clever, funny, or childish?  I like the idea of all three.

But that’s beside the point…
Also, have you seen that Dr. Phil wannabee on daytime TV?  He’s even bald.  It’s just like Dr. Phil, except a little bit more Jerry Springer, because he encourages audience participation.

And there’s nothing I like better than a little audience participation…

“There’s nothing I like better than a good love story about a deer.”
- I can’t say who said this, because she might get pissed off that she was blogmentioned, like she did months ago.  But it was a good quote, nonetheless.  Especially with her Southern accent.
So in conclusion, Alley Jo told me something that I absolutely cannot blog.  Not even if I call her Tally Ho, like that time she almost pooped in Wal*Mart but didn’t because she was afraid I was going to blog it.

whoops.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 29th, 2006 at 1:31 AM and is filed under Family, Food, Philosophy, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.