February 25, 2005
Dear Suzane Eliah Thomson,
I regret to inform you that you are hereby restricted from any sexual activity, because your hoo-hoo has been deemed defective. You may resume sexual activity when you can prove that your hoo-hoo is non-defective, and then you may file a Proof of Non Hoo-Hoo Defectiveness report in the claims department of the Sexual Activity Regulation building. If you have any questions or comments concerning the defectiveness of your hoo-hoo, you may contact me at (531) 735 ORGY. Thank you for your compliance.
Sincerely,
Tharon Snugs
Tharon wrote me that last year in Speech and Drama… I miss her alot. She’s so cool and… dry. Her idea of love is “I don’t hate you that much.” We had to write a speech last year on racism or sexism, and I usually just thought about what I was going to say and said it, aiming for 5-7 minutes in length. Tharon tried to do the same thing on her topic or Native Americans, failing horribly and only reaching about 3 minutes. Many times in that class, I had to mouth ideas to her to elongate her speeches and presentations, and this was definately one of those times. I whispered, “Trail of Tears…tobacco…reservations…,” to her, and this was working… but she ran out, and I whispered, “Buffalo!” to her… perplexed, she said, “Buffalo? What the fuck, Liz?” Of course, I laughed so hard, I nearly pissed myself. Tharon’s face was totally red, because she gets weird whenever she is forced to make human contact. That story was much better if you were there, I promise. Just like the rest of my stories…
Speaking of Mr. Ponds, he has heard me say some horrible things. Not only has he heard the word “fuck” utter from my lips on several occasions, but:
1. Davey and I were explaining to Beth Copland was a Dirty Sanchez is, and he walks by right as I say, “And he turns her around and jisms in her face.”
2. “My nipples are approximately dime- sized”
3. “Have you ever tried using lube?”
4. “Show me your boobs!”
5. He also once walked in the room as I was lifting my skirt to show Tharon my Kermit panties.
Either he’s a lucky man, or I’m an unlucky woman.
dododoDOOdododoDOOdododoDOOdododoDOOthesystemisdownthe
systemisdowndootleootdoodoodleootdoodoodleootdoodoodleootdoo
Jade and I still haven’t recorded our techno song. damNit.
So last night, my pants ripped ridiculously in the moshpit. At the crotch. When I was in getting ready, something told me, “Hey, Liz, you need to wear panties tonight.” I’m -so- glad I did. If I didn’t, it would have been less humourous and more unfortunate.
I’d like a Diet Coke, but I have to wake up early tomorrow. Screw it, I’m young.
I want a party funeral, with a DJ and Cheetos. If you read my blog, you’re invited. Lots of people have dreams that I die. If you’ve ever had one, please share. I love the amusement : )
I wish I was a praying mantis. Not only do they eat their mates, but they eat them -while- they’re mating. How hardcore is that?
“You scare the hell out of ‘em, Wizzie”
- My daddy : )
The funniest thing that happened to me today didn’t even happen to me.
Dan’s evile mum: Where the fuck have you been?
Dan: Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain!
hahahaha, that’s still funny.
So last night, my pants ripped ridiculously in the moshpit. At the crotch. When I was in getting ready, something told me, “Hey, Liz, you need to wear panties tonight.” I’m -so- glad I did. If I didn’t, it would have been less humourous and more unfortunate. RE: How big was the rip?