Monday Bear

So many of you know my love of the Muppets, especially Kermie.� Nothing can keep me away from my Kermie.� Welp, I’ve got these Muppets panties– they came in a pack of 5.� When I’m sitting around in my undies, I do this thing where I stick my hand down the leg of my undawears� until my whole hand and some of my arm is sticking out of the leg (yeah, it’s weird, but the ones who do this know what I’m talking about).
Welp, I was doing this the other day in my Muppets panties, and my roommate came in.� As we conversed, I began talking with my hands, therefore ripping the hell out of my panties.� I was highly saddened, but I can still wear them.� They’ll just be period panties now.

“Now if I were to put one of these ice cubes on this countertop, it would… Oh, what the hell, I’ll put an ice cube on there…”
- Dr. McDougall, re: Chemistry Demonstratiom

Oh, that MacDreamy– What a renegade…

The one on the left is MacDreamy; the one on the right is Favee.

The resemblance is uncanny, is it not?

I get very lonely at school sometimes.� All alone, with no chocolate, no TV, no computer, and no clean underwear.� You guys should send me a care package… or at least a post card.� Here’s my address:

PS:� The GD is for “General Delivery,” not “Goddamn.”

I know about this girl who had this vaginal problem:� She had a horrible smell and discharge, so she went to the doctor, thinking she had an infection of some sort.� Welp, the doctor informed her that she had maggots in her vagina. Of course, the chick, not being nasty, was like, “Why the fuck would I have maggots in my vagina?” Welp, the doctor told her that there were two different scenarios that would cause vaginal maggots (I call them VagMags for short): Her boyfriend could either have had sex with an animal or a dead person…

and he worked in a morge…

Isn’t that… horrible? How embarrassing.

I mean forrealz, wouldn’t it be horrible to find out that your boyfriend is fucking a dead person?�

Maybe I should have a Horrible Vaginal/ Sexual Story of the Week from now on. Last post’s was the hotdog.

At every high school, there’s always a rumour that some chick was masturbating with a hot dog and it broke off inside of her, resulting in her taking a trip to the emergency room.
If you kids ever hear that about someone, I can assure you that it’s not true. Unless you’re talking about my friend.

Speaking of which, there’s this girl in Matt’s class of whom I am quite jealous. Matt has a little crush on her (which is totally harmless, because like I always say, there’s a reason he’s with me instead of her) but goddamn, she’s so cute:

• She’s like 5 foot 2
• She has a cute little haircut (the same one I had a year ago)
• Perfect skin
• A�perfect body
• She dresses cute
• She’s being Yoshi for halloween
• She has a good taste in music, hence our always seeing her at concerts.
• Most importantly, she’s an art student, so she’s obviously hipper than I.

Matt always tries to make her seem undesirable though. “she doesn’t have boobs or a butt like you.” “she doesnt have any hair. your hair is pretty. she shaves all hers off” etc etc etc.

So I just took a poop in the honors building two days in a row, and let me tell you: The bathrooms in the honors building are a zillion times better than the stupid- people bathrooms:

• They have two- ply toilet paper… with indentions…
• The dirty tampon holder thing is beside you instead of above your head, so I don’t have to stand up to dispose of such items.
• It’s pretty.

I think when I run out of my TP stash, I’ll start doing all my pooping here.

“Sometimes when I’m looking at naked ladies, I get exhausted.� But then I get my second wind, and I’m ready for more naked ladies.”

There was a�large black man sleeping in my room the other night.�
No, seriously, there was.

Heather: I really wish Todd would call me.
Liz: Oh yeah? I really wish your ass would call your face and tell it it wants its nose back.

So in conclusion, my boobs are probably better than yours.� Seriously.�

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 19th, 2006 at 7:07 PM and is filed under Breasts, Nasty, Pooping. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.