Monday Bear

So of course Steve Irwin died.  Whoda thunk.  The guy who plays with dangerous animals was killed by a dangerous aminal.

That was going to be funny.  I made a note to blog that right when it happened, but that was last weekend, and it’s now Thursday night.  You will be pleased to know that Mattchew is giving me his old computer soon.  That means more blogtime.  That’s good news for the few people who didn’t join Holly’s Monday Bear Protesters group on Facebook.  Sonsabitches.
Things I like about school:

• Dr. Macdougall.  (More like Dr. Macdreamy)
• My new friends.
• The big black guy who makes stir fry in McCallie.
• Getting to see Matt.
• Not having to drive to school, unless I spend the night with Matt.
• The fact that I’m naked at school much of the time.  (ie, changing clothes, sleeping, showering)
• Being closer to Nashthrille for concerts and things.
• Listening to the boys on the 5th floor talk about how cool it is to do drugs.
• Hanging out with other girls in my PJs (ie, sleepovers on school nights!)
• My new bedspread.

Here are some things I don’t like about school:

• Not being able to sleep, because people don’t respect quiet hours.  (Esp. 5th floor boys.  9PM- 9AM, bitches!)
• Community bathrooms.
• Public bathroom toilet paper.
• I have to leave my house to get on the computer.
• I have to leave my room to poop.
• I can’t poop in private.
• I can’t write about pooping in private.
• My crazy Biology prof.
• Too much studying.
• Not enough time to keep in touch with my best friends from back home.

Here are some things I miss about West Tennessee:

• Trixie
• Ms. Helen
• My churchfolk
• Ballet
• Being able to poop right next to my bedroom.
• Being able to sleep comfortably.
• Holly
• Alley Jo.
• Hot dogs with Alley Jo.
• Holly’s cute face she makes much of the time, but especially when she rides on Steve’s shoulders.  (Maybe even when she’s on it)
• Trixie’s toenails
• Masturbating.  It’s not that easy when you have a roommate, and Matt isn’t always there when I need him.

So while we’re at it, the big black stir fry guy wasn’t there today.  In his other place was a different big black guy, except he had on a hat.  WTF?  Impostors.  I didn’t get stir fry just because I was unfamilliar with new black guy.  If Stir Fry Guy doesn’t come back tomorrow, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Maybe I’ll start a facebook group about it, Holly.
We played Uno tonight in the lobby.  I talked about being hxc Uno, but I lost.  Erica (my room mate) said that I could be a pimp.  I’m demanding enough.  She should know.  She’s from Memphis.  She’s one of those black people.
I had to write a short story about Chemistry for MacDreamy’s class.  It’s really funny.  If you like my writing, read it.  Here it is.  If you don’t like my writing, why are you reading my buhlog?  Don’t close the page, just skip over the next few short paragraphs:

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

“You’re just not satisfying me!”  That is probably the most feared phrase in the English language—seriously, who wants to hear that from their partner?  Nobody.  Well, that’s what Sodium’s poor outer- shell electron heard one day from its nucleus.

“This just isn’t working out,” the Nucleus said, “I think I would feel much better if you just left.  I’m sorry.  I’d just be more satisfied living as an ion.”

Heeding the wishes of his partner, the Electron fled the atom and looked for solstice elsewhere, and Sodium was positive that she loved life as a positively charged ion.

Struck with grief, the Electron knocked on the doors of electron cloud after electron cloud, but there was just no atom that could take the place of his dear Sodie.

As the search went on, the electron got farther and farther across the periodic table.  Suddenly, he saw this beautiful Chlorine atom.  “She looks like she could use a little electron satisfaction in her life,” he thought to himself.

He floated over to talk to her, one thing led to another, and it turned out that he was just the match for Chlorine—he satisfied her like none other.  She really enjoyed this and readily invited him to be her eighth electron in her outer shell, but he hesitated, “Well—I just don’t know.  Sodium and I were together a long time.  I’m not sure if I’m ready for a commitment yet.  I just wish I had another chance to satisfy her like Sodium should be satisfied.”

“Oh, don’t be so negative,” Chlorine joked with the Electron, “I know the perfect way to make us both happy.”

The Electron reluctantly hopped on the cloud surrounding Chlorine and rode back over to Period 1.  Chlorine was now known as Chloride, as it is customary to change one’s name after one gains or loses an electron.  As they neared Sodium’s square, he began to get very frightened.  He didn’t want Chloride to know about all of his atomic baggage.

They talked to the newly ionized Sodium for a bit, and she admitted that she was feeling quite lonely.  She didn’t have anyone since she kicked out the Electron.  But Chloride had a solution up her proverbial sleeve that would solve all of their problems.  Even though she had a negative charge, she still looked for the silver lining in every electron cloud.

With the Electron still floating about her shell, Chloride placed the Electron between them, and like a magnet, the two ions joined together to form Sodium Chloride.  One can think of it as an atomic sandwich, but simple table salt will do.

Shocking (or disgusting, even) as it may sound, this lucky Electron began to satisfy both Sodium and Chloride at the same time.  The Electron got to stay with Sodium, Chlorine had the Electron she had always wanted, and Sodium was no longer lonely.  Let the atomic love- fest commence.

____________________________________________________________

Yes, Holly, you were my inspiration for the closing sentence.

Why Dr. MacDougall is my favourite teacher:

• He gives me candy
• He looks like Favee
• He talks like Favee
• He’s a huge dork.  (Not only is he a chemist, but he also talks about Dungeons and Dragons– alot.)
• He told us how to sell drugs
• He told us how to kill ourselves
• He told us to do drugs and kill ourselves
• He has red hair
• He’s on Viagra

Oh, MacDreamy.  Talk nerdy to me, baby.
“Wow, Liz sure likes to use sexual pens.”

I use a Viagra pen and a Hooters pen.  There’s nothing better.

I told some people I would blog quote them:

“Nuh Uh.”

- Roach

He’s Mexican.  Half- Mexican.  That’s alot funnier if you actually heard him say it.  You know those secretaries that say, “Yeah.  Uh huh.  Right.  Yeah.  Uh huh.  Uh huh.  Mhm.  Yeah,” to let you know that they’re listening, but really, it’s very distracting?  Well, that’s how Roach uses Nuh Uh.  Except not as annoying and not as often.

“I’m always game for free food!”

- Alyssa.

That makes her sound fat, but she’s not.  In fact, she’s probably one of the hottest chicks in Cummings Hall.  She really is always game for free food, except when it comes to pickled cucumbers.  That was an option in the stir fry line.

However, I realized that pickled cucumbers are just pickled…  pickles.

So in conclusion, I don’t have free text messaging.  That’s why I’ve only sent two text messages ever.

Also in conclusion, you’ll notice that my schedule is in the margin.  Just click on it.

Also in conclusion, there’s a meeting, so I think I’m going to get kicked out.  Again.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 7th, 2006 at 11:14 PM and is filed under Food, Nasty, Pooping, Prose, School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.