Monday Bear

So if you haven’t heard, one of the most horrible things of all horrible things has happened in the past month. We heard forecasts of this event months ago, but we loyal fans have ignored these warnings and stayed positive, as we usually do. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about Weezer.

And don’t worry, people, the mood of this blog will be less forlorn in a few paragraphs.

I called Matt last night, and he said that he should be the one to tell me: Weezer, my all time favourite band since I was 8 years old, has broken up. He said that Rivers has been writing lots and lots of songs lately, but he has no intention of performing them with Weezer, or even as a solo project.
And don’t hold your breath for a Greatest Hits album.
You all know that Rivers has been my “celebrity crush” if you will, since my childhood. He’s cute, skinny, antisocial, talented, and a nerd. Liz likes cute skinny antisocial talented nerds, obviously. Sure, he’s 15 years older than me, but one could only dream, right? Welp, about a year ago, I read Rivers’ Edge, a book about Weezer, but mainly Rivers, and I found out how weird and assholish Rivers really is. He rode in a separate bus, he’s controlling, and he didn’t have a good relationship with his bandmates. I also found out that he likes Asian girls and only Asian girls.

Like Justin.

Note, “Goddamn you half- Japanese girls/ You do it to me every time”

And then I met Matthew, fell in love with him a few hours later, and forgot all about scoring with ol’ Rivers. Sure, he’s cute and talented and smart, etc etc etc, but he’s no Matthew. At least Matthew isn’t an asshole.

to me.

Welp, as I was driving back from picking up Trixie at the pet spa, Rock Talk on 107.5 came on. The started playing The Good Life in the background, so I knew they were going to talk about Weez.

Lo and behold, Rivers Cuomo got married last month.

…

What the fuck.

Rivers doesn’t even like girls. He doesn’t talk to anyone, especially girls. He’s supposed to be celibate!

I cried. And I cried. I almost wrecked.

I’m also PMSing.

That’s my high school physics teacher, Ms. Crews. After I took that picture of her a few months ago, she felt uncomfortable that she was going in my blog. Holly didn’t much care for her. It was her fault that Holly and I had that slight falling- out, but it was also through her class that we became such good friends.
I was such a bitch in her labs.
Make a wish— it’s 1: 11.

But anywho, Weezer is broken up because of some Yoko bitch and Rivers’ low self- esteem issues.

On a lighter note, we were watching World Cup, Italy vs. France:
“Look at them jump! They’re like frogs!”
- Colleen

The best part is that she didn’t know that “frog” was a slur for the French.

Matt and Liz, both at our skankiest. Most of todays pictures were taken when Steve and Holly came to visit us.

So I’m going to be 18, of age, legal, etc, on August fifth. You all have to buy me a present. Or send me a tortilla. Whichever. But I’m leaving for Nashville again on the 6th, so you’ll have to give me whatever on or before my birthday. And note, I said have to. You won’t be my friend anymore if you don’t.

Some photos of Liz and Holly being vain, aka hot, in Matt’s bedroom:

Here is a list of things I would like to do/ have for my eighteenth birthday:

• Buy cigarettes for a 13 year old.
• Get a lapdance from a stripper.
• Get my lip pierced. Facial lip.
• Have pancakes at night.
• Go somewhere fancy with Matthew.
• Buy pornography.
• Have completely legal sex with Matthew.
• For people to recognize that it is, indeed, my birthday.

Here are some things I do not want on my birthday:

• My mom to cry.
• My dad to purge me from his health insurance, and then I have a seizure but can’t get medical help and die.
• That guy who made that creepy website about me with the countdown until I’m eighteen to come to my house and rape me because it’s slightly less illegal.

Here are some hats:

Speaking of pr0n, I told you all about how Justin sends Matthew gross/ funny porn. Welp, you know, if you have porn on your computer, you’ll usually try to hide it amongst your music, or title it something clever, such as Adobe Readme or something.

Matt’s folder is called “Pornography”.

This man has nothing to hide.

Matt: Something about “I can’t wait til Liz leaves, because I’m going to watch porn and jack off.
Matt: Oh yeah, chick the slightly resembles Liz…
Liz: You don’t even watch porn!
Matt: Not unless it’s funny or gross.
Liz: You don’t even get off to porn!
Both: …Not unless it’s funny or gross…

So Peewee’s Playhouse is back, and for some reason, it’s on Adult Swim. But I was reminded when I was watching it with Matt and our moms, that the Pteridactyl’s name was Pterry. Or Terri, like Matt’s mom.

When Matt and I have kids (ten years from now, not two), they’re going to call Matt’s mom Nanny Goat. Just because I like the face she makes when I call her that.

I miss being in a band. Not a metal band. I hate metal. Just a band. Like an indie band. I -would- be in a band if Matt still had a keyboard.

Thanks, mom. Thanks alot.

Mom’s hat + Zephyr’s sunglasses = Off teh Chain.

And just for the record, the only reason Holly wasn’t on the “most missed” list was because I had just seen her a few days before. And we had fun. Don’t worry, Holly. I still love you, we still aren’t gliding apart, and you’re still my friend, even though I did call you stupid that one time in Physics.

I want a wireless mouse : (
So for the past few days, I’ve been at Customs, aka, Freshman Orientation/ Registration. Let me tell you… it was boring and hardly useful.
I was the only one im my group that liked “icebreakers”. Those are kind of like Energizors, but not as good. The frisbee game is no Star Trekkin’ Across the Universe, just like Tennessee is no Nebraska.

My SOA was an SOB. I don’t even know what SOA stands for, but he was a silly, lazy frat boy. He half- assed everything. For the people who really didn’t care, he was great, but for the people who -do- care about their education, he sucked. I gave him a bad review.

Anywho, I met a few new people. I just don’t remember any of their names. I met a really really really cool girl from Pakistan whose name starts with an M. She wears “brown people clothes”. I met a really really really cool girl from Arkansas whom I called “Arkansas”. She has a nose ring, but I thought it looked good on her. She doesn’t usually like red lipstick, but she thought it looked fab on me. And there was this girl named Victoria, whom the dean of the Honors college called “Gloria”. Her ID photo was OG.

My ID photo makes me look naked, kind of like my myspace photo. I was wearing tube tops in both of them.

I just took about a 15 minute break from blogging to run/ dance around my house singing Fire Eye’d Boy. That’s how I stayed skinny when I was a child. Running around the house dancing sillily. You would have loved to see me. Just now and when I was a child.
As I was dancing and jumping and stuff in the mirror, I realized that I’m a bouncy person. Personality, breasts, and especially hair. When I wear it the way Matt likes it, it’s very very bouncy. I like it.
But all my people in my group said I was a tree- hugging, no- shoe- wearing, mushroom- eating hippie. They’re pretty much right, except the mushroom part. Except on pizza. Or in Portabello form.

Make a wish– it’s 2:22.

You know those people who you see and you think are really cool, but you’re afraid to talk to them? I saw a girl like that at school. I don’t know what her name is, but she was the chick with pink hair. She had a funny laugh and wore alot of pastels.

Beware, students! People are stalking your facebook! Some guy talked to the parents about facebook and how they should check their kids’ profiles, etc. They talked to us about how not to get stalked, facebook style.

I’ll have you know that if it weren’t for facebook stalking, I would have never met Matthew. If I hadn’t met Matthew, I would be sad and lonely and wouldn’t have this cool blog.

Facebook stalking never hurt anyone. It worked for me : )

Speaking of, they told us not to put our class schedule on facebook. Not only did I do that, but Matt also made it fancy for me and put it as a link on here. Check it out. Follow me around campus. Take pictures of me. Make a TV show. I don’t care.

So like I said, Steve’s brother is pregnant. Steve’s parents are Christian fundamentalists. Here are our reactions:

Oh noes!

I love babies!

I don’t care about anything ever!

And yes, those were Matthew’s ever- crossed legs in the background of my photo. Aren’t the perfect?

<3

Erick just came over. I was pooping and had both doors wide open. Since nobody ever knocks on the door, it could have been anyone. I told my mom I’d call her back and frantically did all of my after-poo activities. Long story short, Erick loved his birthday present.
I got him $15 worth of candy. Nashville candy. Amanda sent it to him for me, because she gets free shipping, because she works at the Hot Topic warehouse thing.

So I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for me to announce my favourite Laverne and Shirley funnyman: Lenny.
I like Lenny because when Laverne thought she was pregnant by that guy she thought she did at that party, Lenny offered to be the baby’s father. I thought that was nice.

And he’s really funny.

And Squiggy looks like he has Downs.

So new question: Okay, it’s actually a command. Describe me in one word. The best description of me came from Holly, and it made my day, my week, my month, and even my year. She said I was “warm”. : )

So it’s your turn. And you can’t use warm. and you can’t use loud. Be creative. And it doesn’t have to be good, because there’s someone being silly and leaving me mean comments. Just for the record, whenever you leave me a comment, it sends Matthew your IP Address. So describe me. One word.

That’s all I’ve got.

So in conclusion, Goddamn you half- Japanese girls. You break up Weezer.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 13th, 2006 at 3:43 PM and is filed under Breasts, Dance, Dating, Music, Pooping, School, Secks, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.